Friends, isn’t it past time that we made Halloween, a national, government-approved holiday? Halloween is a wonderful, magical event when the whole family gets together and has a terrific time, no matter what their race, religion or sexual orientation. Why should this marvelous time of community and family bonding be forced to hobble along in its current, semi-observed, legal limbo?

Oh, I can hear the protests now. Halloween is satanic! Halloween encourages hooliganism! Halloween apples are chock full of razor blades! Halloween is antisemitic! Let me tell you something. Halloween isn’t about Satan. It isn’t about paganism. It isn’t even about hallows, whatever the hell they are. It’s about candy, dammit! Candy, candy, candy!!! Now granted, apples could have razor blades in them, which is why they should all be banned, period. And as for candy apples, that unholy hybrid of candy and noncandy, you don’t even want to get me started. But do you know what so-called Christians’ real objection to Halloween is? We got free candy coming to us and those bastards don’t want to have to give it to us.

Listen to an hour of your favorite fake bands and an interview by Rocklopedia Fakebandica author T. Mike Childs. (Interview about 13:00 minutes in)

This Sunday, Sunday, SUNDAY, July 24th at 9pm Central Time, the fine and highly intelligent folks at Minnesota Public Radio will be presenting a radio show about The Rocklopedia Fakebandica! Tune in to 89.3 The Current to ”The Current Presents” to catch it, or listen online here.

Here’s where you can hear The Current:

The Van Gogh-Goghs live from SketchFest Seattle in the year 2000. This is one of our favorite sketches we like to call “Monkey’s Paw”.  And if you listen real close you can hear the sounds of people playing pool in the billiards hall above the Speakeasy Café.

Download here (14 Mb)

Say friends, do you have an unnamed unicorn or Native American just sitting around the place? Are tired of shouting “Hey! You there!” and not knowing which unicorn or Native American might respond to your call?


Well fret no more! The Van Gogh-Goghs are here to do away with the endless, workaday drudgery of coming up with appropriate names for your unicorn or Native American! Thanks to the miracle of “science” combined with the Internet, you can name your mystical, special friend or unicorn easily and quickly! To use, merely click the “Create Name!” button:

Hey,

We got a Twitter account! Follow us, won’t you?!

It’s not just any ole bullcrap like your aunt twittering what they ate, read, saw, breathed. It’s full on lies, my good, good friend. May I call you friend? Great! Also, can I borrow $50 bucks? I can pay you back Tuesday. Awesome.

Look, we know what you like. Fooling your friends. With lies. No problem. We have got tons of believable lies. Try ’em out, see if you can get your friends to believe ’em. Or just be amused up to and including once a day! Fresh lies daily! DAILY, my friend. DAILY. No lie!

The BP Oil Leak Disaster rages on, spurting bajillions of toxic oil into the Gulf! Several goofily-named attempts to seal it have failed. Now what?! Like all good disaster movies, the solution to the oil spill might be to blow up the problem with a nuclear bomb:

First, however, BP needs to assemble a ragtag bunch of losers, oldsters, and rebels into a lean, mean, oil-well-nukin’ machine.

Harrison Ford as the grizzled veteran oil man who retired in shame after a similar accident ten years ago!

Shia Lebeouf as the newbie looking to prove himself!

Max Wright as the evil bureaucrat!

Owen Wilson as the computer expert!

Sean Connery as the wheelchair-bound marine biologist! (His character is cajun, but doesn’t bother to change his accent.)

Gérard Depardieu as the French cork expert brought in against the team’s wishes!

Justin Bieber as the stowaway!

Megan Fox or any other interchangeable young actress as the eye candy/”love interest” (in quotes because, let’s face it, these flicks are all about the love that dare not speak its name)!

Stan Lee as the obligatory cameo!

This movie practically makes itself! We can see it now…just before the big climax, this bit of dialogue from the article plays out:

“Probably the only thing we can do is create a weapon system and send it down 18,000 feet and detonate it, hopefully encasing the oil,” Matt Simmons, a Houston energy expert and investment banker, told Bloomberg News on Friday, attributing the nuclear idea to “all the best scientists.” Or as CNN reporter John Roberts suggested last week, “Drill a hole, drop a nuke in and seal up the well.”

Hollywood, we await your call.

With all the upheaval in the late night talk show world, well all the upheaval at NBC’s The Tonight Show, the Van Gogh-Goghs decided to hold a draft for their Late Night Talk Show Fantasy League. The draft was an 8-round snake draft and participants had to pick the following:

1 show host, 1 second banana or band leader/band or featured player, 2 guests, 1 musical/comedy performance guest, 2 comedy bits, 1 show host for a follow-up or lead-in program

Once  a person or bit is picked they/it are unavailable for the rest of the draft. The draft order:

Charles

T. Mike

Galen

Alan

Jason (Jason was unavailable for the draft, but he was allowed to pick his team from the scraps left over from the others’ choices)

Round 1:

Charles: David Letterman

T. Mike: Johnny Carson

Galen: Arsenio Hall

Alan: Dick Cavett

Predictably the first round went to lock up the host slot for each of the shows. Big surprises in the first round: neither Conan or Leno are picked.

Round 2:

Alan makes sure he has a strong second banana with his second pick of Andy Richter.

Galen looks to the comedy bits in this round and chooses Triumph the insult comic dog.

T. Mike gets his follow-up show host locked in with Conan O’Brien.

Charles ends round two by choosing Top Ten Lists to go along with his Letterman pick.

Round 3:

Charles starts round three by rounding out his comedy bit picks with Carnac.

T. Mike tries an Ed Sullivan move with his third pick and books The Beatles as his musical guest.

Galen finishes his comedy bit picks with Stupid Pet Tricks.

Alan rounds out the 3rd round with his first comedy bit pick Marlon Brando (as played by Chris Elliott).

Round 4

Alan’s fourth pick is another comedy bit, Art Fern.

Galen uses the fourth round to to start working on his guests. Guest number 1: Barack Obama.

T. Mike finally gets around to his comedy bits and picks Viewer Mail as his first bit.

Charles’s fourth round pick for guest number 1 goes to Jonathan Winters.

Round 5

Charles goes to the follow up show host category to lead the 5th round and finally Jay Leno is picked.

T. Mike finishes up his comedy bit picks by picking Letterman’s suits made of weird stuff.

Galen picks his number 2 guest and takes Robin Williams to bring some humor to his guest chair.

Alan’s 5th round pick causes a bit of a debate, leading to the Van Gogh-Goghs throwing out his first pick: Throbbing Gristle featuring Miley Cirus. Since this pairing has never happened it couldn’t be picked. So Alan picks De La Soul for his musical guest.

Round 6

Alan begins the sixth round with a surprise, but solid, pick for his first guest: Fidel Castro.

Galen finally gets around to his musical guest act and picks Prince.

T. Mike’s sixth round pick goes to Steve Martin as his first guest.

Charles goes with musical guest in this round and threatens to throw a party on his show with P-Funk.

Round 7

After a head fake and making T. Mike think he was going with Ed McMahon, Charles goes with Paul Shaffer as his second banana/band leader.

T. Mike, feeling threatened, snags Ed McMahon to fill the seat next to his Carson.

After a little confusion over whether Charles’s Shaffer pick also takes The World’s Most Dangerous Band off the table, Galen goes with Doc Severinson.

Alan finished the next-to-last round with his second guest pick of Bill Murray.

Round 8

Alan’s final pick is follow-up host and he goes political with presidential offspring Ron Reagan (yes, he had a talk show).

Galen also is left with his follow-up host as his final pick and  also goes political with Bill Maher.

T. Mike only has his second guest left to pick and goes political as well with John F. Kennedy.

Charles rounds out his team and finishes off the draft with his second guest and gets two guests for the price of one with Penn and Teller.

To recap the Late Night Talk Show Fantasy League shows picked in the draft:

Charles: David Letterman with Paul Shaffer, Top Ten Lists, Carnac, Jonathan Winters, Penn and Teller, P-Funk and Jay Leno as the follow-up host.

T. Mike: Johnny Carson with Ed McMahon, Viewer Mail, Suits Made of Weird Stuff, Steve Martin, JFK, The Beatles and Conan as the follow-up host.

Galen: Arsenio Hall with Doc Severinson, Triumph the Insult Comic Dog, Stupid Pet Tricks, Barack Obama, Robin Williams, Prince and Bill Maher as the follow-up host.

Alan: Dick Cavett with Andy Richter, Chris Elliott’s Marlon Brando, Art Fern, Fidel Castro, Bill Murray, De La Soul and Ron Reagan as the follow-up host.

Jason: Zach Galifianakis with Chris Elliott, Crushing things with an 80-ton hydraulic press, The Fugitive Guy, Andy Kaufman, Fred Phelps, GG Allin, and Jimmy Kimmel as the follow-up host.

2010! Happy New Year! It’s the future again, only this time, it’s even MORE the future! The year 2010 is almost as futuristic as the year 2000. Once again, it’s time to welcome our new robotic overlords! And also placatie their foul tempers with soothing, flattering songs of praise! So here’s a song about robots from some weird French kid’s album from 1979 by one Suzanne Pinel:

Download Here!

Robots LOVE clowns. LOVE THEM.