Today’s post is to help celebrate Bastille Day, the day of the French Revolution when the French triumphantly stormed the hated prison, and proudly emptied it of its forgers, lunatics, and the Marquis deSade. And what Frenchman speaks to us so loudly across history but that famous French mime, the Ur-mime Marcel Marceau (1923-2007). And yet mime was only one of his many talents. You know, like how David Hasselhoff thinks he can sing, or have a non-Knight Rider-related career. Welp, Marceau also saw himself as a visual artist. Below is a bizarre, epic, apocalyptic drawing he did that appeared in a program for one of his shows in 1973. Despite a certain “I am 12 years old” quality to the drawing, it appears to have been done in 1961, when Marceau was about 38. Hmm.

Also, sorry ’bout the rusty staples in the center.

click to embiggen

Here’s the left and right pages in extry-huge format so you can really appreciate the fine detail.

(click pix to embiggen)

Allow us to try to narrate Marceau’s dark vision, his “Marceaucalypse,” if you will: As a massive earthquake causes mighty skyscrapers to lean and teeter dangerously and a tornado and fires ravage the city, and a large ocean liner sinks in the background, the terrified populace plunge to their certain deaths from the buildings or rush into the streets where they are attacked by bats and escaped zoo, or quite possibly circus, animals. Under a sky filled with strange planets, angry and helpless soldiers futilely throng the streets colliding with impromptu religious parades of every stripe, where citizens turn to a nonexistent God to save them, moments before they stumble into a river of hungry crocodiles. While silent movie star Charlie Chaplin cavorts in the crowd, the twin angels of comedian Harpo Marx and Bip (Marcel’s everyman mime character) begin their happy ascension to heaven under the gaze of several large, floating, disembodied eyes with great lashes. Also, there’s an owl.

Enjoy!

I got you this book about how you’re dooomed. Hope ya like it!

Love,
Yer citizens!

So either the schmuck who has to lay out the grocery store ads got real bored, or billionaires who consider themselves above the law, have created a secret, hidden estate, where they flaunt all propriety and decency and indulge their sick fantasies and decadent tastes: The Cola Rape Range.

Where innocent women, kidnapped fresh out of Nancy Grace/CNN stories are released, dazed and drugged, and then hunted down and their tender womanhoods ruthlessly violated by horrible mutant colas. Whether these colas, whose very existence are an affront to God, are cans or bottles, we can’t know. We just can’t know.

All we can do is pray.

 

Oh look honey, it’s another Christmas card in the mail, I’ll just open it, aw, it has kittens on … OH GOD NO THE KITTENS ARE ON FIRE! AAAAGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHH!!! AAAAAHHH!!! AHH! AH!

 (click to enlarge)

 

Wait a minute- the kittens aren’t on fire- look how peacefully they stare at my skull as they emanate from the flames– Oh Sweet Santa- they aren’t on fire, they ARE fire!!! ARGH! DEVIL MUTANT FIRE CATS!!! KILL IT! KILL IT WITH FIRE… oh wait, that won’t work. KILL IT WITH…, what, water? Sure, water… I guess. Hmmm. What else can you kill things with that sounds cool when you yell it out?   A stick? Maybe. A gun? No. Knife? No. Aha! SCIENCE! KILL IT WITH SCIENCE! KILL IT WITH SCIENCE!!!

Hey, would you like to come over tonight and watch an UNrated movie with me? Maybe have some dinner? How’s roasted chicken sound to you? What if I told you I’ll have a liter of water to go with that chicken?

This ad is from a Kroger circular. Is the ad aimed at prison wardens? I guess I should applaud Kroger for promoting drinking water instead of sugar, but throw in a pound cake or a can of peas or something. Spice it up!

But maybe Kroger is working on a different level here. Water to represent the underwater theme and roasted chicken to represent that crazy seagull. If that’s the case kudos indeed. Very funny!

[Update: Edited 6/24/08, see below.]

Recently a picture was posted to the Inside Carolina message board which purported to show the contents of Coach K’s trashcan. The picture showed printed pages with ESPN’s prediction that “Tar Heels will be overwhelming favorites to win it all,” apparently discarded in disgust. A number of us UNC fans enjoyed a good laugh, but almost immediately the guy received a ton of pressure from some shadowy Duke figures to remove the picture and story, and in less than a day he did so. [I have been asked to shroud even the story behind the picture in secrecy.] Thus only the most IC-addicted fans knew about it. I had saved a copy of the picture, but the guy asked me to remove it.

However, this was too much fun to let disappear. So, I mocked up my own version of the trash can picture. Note to shadowy Duke boosters: I guarantee that this picture does not show Coach K’s trash can, nor any of his actual trash, although there may be some resemblance.

Click to see it larger.

Note to ICers: yes, I know the proper spelling of Duke is “dook,” but I decided it was important to get this story indexed by Technorati and Google with the school’s own improper spelling.

Screw therapy, pills, drugs, and accomplishments, it’s a PROFESSIONALLY LAUNDERED shirts that are the true path to happiness!