The Fantasy SNL League Draft: Round Three
With two rounds in the books already, the major stars have been claimed. Now it’s time to find the remaining gems. Personally, I just hope we can get through one round without some knucklehead move. Will this be the round? Probably not, but let’s start it and see.
Galen Black selects Jan Hooks
Okay, methinks Galen has a strategy. He’s out to get all the top women for his cast. He got Gilda in the second, and now he’s selected Jan Hooks. I’ve always thought Hooks was one of the unsung stars, and she had some great characters; I had thought of getting Jan myself because of her work as the Sweeney Sisters and…
AH HA! That’s it! That’s his next pick! Nora Dunn! He’s going for the Sweeney Sisters and will get all the best actresses he can! He’s going for the Top Chick Gambit!
That’s not going to happen. As the sole Van Gogh-Gogh with fantasy sports experience, let me take a moment to drop a little fantasy draft tip: know your position, use your position. Galen’s spot in the draft allows him to select two people at a time. Why then would he tip his hand by picking only one member of a comedy duo? Use your position wisely. Galen didn’t, and if no one else beats me to it, I will destroy your Sweeney Sisters! Moo ha ha ha! (Note to the Van Gogh-Goghs: we need to perform the Legion of Doom Learning Annex sketch again. It’s gold! This time, though, I want to be Lex Luthor. Hey, you think anyone else reads this blog besides us?)
Charles Rempel selects Jon Lovitz
Like Eddie Murphy is his day, Jon Lovitz should be credited for saving SNL. In the season that everyone I know calls “The Anthony Michael Hall Year,†the show was dismal and spiraling down the crapper. If it weren’t for a disheveled genius with a penchant for catchphrases, Saturday Night Live would have been toast. Jon Lovitz single-handedly saved SNL and with it America, as well as impregnating his wife, Morgan Fairchild. Yeah, that’s the ticket.
Sure, you see the Subway ads today and you think Lovitz is washed up. That may or may not be true, but for those golden years, he was the king of the sketch comedy world. His comic ability, to me, is perfectly suited for the SNL format. In fact, the show doesn’t currently have a superstar, and Lovitz is in the midst of career lull. I say we bring Jon Lovitz back!
Hey, wait a minute, has Dan Aykroyd been picked yet?
Rob Terrell selects Chris Kattan
Okay, Aykroyd must have been picked already.
Chris Kattan was a quality second-banana to Will Ferrell, and could he have more recurring characters? Seriously! It’s Mango and Mr. Peepers and the Goth kid and on and on! Kattan’s a perfect sidekick to Ferrell; their sizes, looks and comic stylings complement each other nicely. Oh, and Rob’s got both of the Roxbury guys now. So Rob and your precious science, if the Roxbury guys do it for ya, you’re liking this cast!
Let me toss out a second fantasy draft tip: know your opponents. I don’t care how high Kattan ranks in the system, Rob has to know that based on personal preferences, none of us would have picked Chris Kattan in the first five rounds. Some of us have certain strategies (see Galen) and some of us can’t stand him (see T. Mike), so why spend a high pick on someone you could get with a lower pick? It’s just not a smart value play.
Alan Benson selects Dan Aykroyd
Crap! Crap crap crap! CRAP!
Boy, did I drop the ball on that. Well, on second thought, I’m pretty happy with Lovitz. Galen dropped the ball. He could have had the Blues Brothers! How is Dan Aykroyd even available now? Oh yeah, Jason picked Chris Elliott.
Alan will now tell you why he’s as excited as a fanboy at ComicCon:
OK, I could come up with some big explanation about how Aykroyd was the hidden gem of the first cast, about how his greatest characters–my favorite being Fred Garvin, Male Prostitute–never got as much attention as Belushi’s. But hell, it’s Dan Aykroyd. It’s the third round, and Beldar was still in play. Hell yes I picked him.
But yeah. Aykroyd as hidden gem. Aykroyd the unknown. Whoo.
–Alan Benson
It’s the steal of the draft so far. A Conehead, a Blues Brother, a Festrunk Brother falling from the sky, right into Alan’s lap. Plus, Aykroyd only makes Alan’s Weekend Update segment stronger, while some of us have yet to consider picking a newscaster. Looks like Alan has turned this cast around.
I wonder how Jason is going to screw this up.
Jason Torchinsky selects Chris Rock
Not a bad pick. Heck, considering his last selection, this may be the greatest pick in the draft. I mean, Rock’s got Nat X and Just Chillin’ to work with, at least.
Some may point out that Chris Rock has had his greater success away from Saturday Night Live than he did on the show. That’s totally true. And it’s also true that his SNL resume is a little weaker than other actors still waiting to be picked. However, Chris Rock has a style and voice that differs from the white-bread SNL majority, and as long as his talent is used correctly (not just as the token black guy), he’s an asset to any of our casts.
Then again, I don’t know. I’m just a little light-headed right now. I half-expected Jason to pick Fred Wolf in this round.
T. Mike Childs selects Chris Farley
When Chris Farley is mentioned, I can’t help but immediately think of his Chippendale’s sketch with Patrick Swayze. Is there anybody else on this cast with a defining moment like that, and right at the beginning of his career? I’m hard-pressed to find another. Probably the closest is Andy Samberg with “Lazy Sunday,†but it’s still second to that flap-flapping blubber.
T. Mike is downplaying the selection. Says T. Mike:
Belushi and Lovitz are gone. I needs me a fat man! – Chris Farley, who easily outweighs both. Gotta have a good fat man for a good SNL cast.
–T. Mike Childs
Sure, he always played the fat guy. Sure, we saw too much of his ass in that flying saucer sketch during the Deion Sanders shows. Yet every time I tell someone that “I live in a van down by the river†(a la Matt Foley), I can’t help but smile. Farley’s a good addition to Mike Myers and Dana Carvey; it looks like it’s 1990 all over again.
Round Three recap
Half the actors picked in the third round were named Chris. Does that just freak your shit out? I didn’t think so.
Not a bad round by the Van Gogh-Goghs. Sure, we let Aykroyd slip farther than he should, and Kattan and Rock were both picked a little early for my taste, but this was the first round where we all actually looked like we knew what we’re doing.
I love my cast of Murphy, Murray and Lovitz. Galen’s the only one of us to select any women yet, and he’s picked two. Jason and Alan are slowly gaining respectability again. It’s still anyone’s game to win.
Or is it? Do you see a clear leader? Does one of the teams have a fatal flaw this early in the process? Who should go in the next round? I’m guaranteeing that Nora Dunn will, but who are the best remaining players? Drop us a comment and let us know.