The Fantasy SNL League Draft: Round Two
With the first round complete, it’s time for the six of us to head into the second round. It’s just what you do in drafts. It’s time to find the best actor available to team with our (supposedly) solid first pick. Since it’s a snake draft, we reverse the order. T. Mike, you’re up again.
T. Mike Childs selects Dana Carvey
You could see this coming a mile away. In fact, I think I called it when he picked Mike Myers. Now his cast can perform ‘Wayne’s World†every week if it wants.
T. Mike gives his opinion on the pick:
Given the blessing/curse of the snake draft, and having the last pick of the first and first of the second, I realized I could grab a team. I planned for Murphy/Piscopo, because no matter how bad Piscopo bombed in Hollywood, or how much you hated Daddy Day Care, Murphy and Piscopo were on FIRE on SNL in the early ‘80s, and could do no wrong.
Well, Rempel sunk my battleship, nabbing Murphy. No point in getting Piscopo alone, that’s for sure. I thought I had a shot at it, thinking most folks would be grabbing the original Not Ready for Prime Time Players, or the latest hot current peeps in round one. Oh well. My backup plan was shot, too: Belushi/Aykroyd. Galen snagged Belushi with the first pick. Time to fall back and punt: Mike Myers and Dana Carvey! Solid team great chemistry, work great together. I’m satisfied.
–T. Mike Childs
Oh, where to begin. T. Mike, if you think you were going to get Belushi or Murphy with the sixth overall pick, you must be drunk. If even one of those guys fell to you, I would have demanded a re-draft. As for your assertion that Myers/Carvey is a punt, I think you severely underestimate what you have.
Dana Carvey is one of the most popular and gifted impressionists in the history of SNL. Remember when I brought up how Myers was a genius at creating characters? Carvey is just as much a genius. Church Lady and Derek “Choppin’ Broccoli†Stevens , to name but two. Also, his impersonations always had that spark, that lively humor that could draw in the crowd.
My prediction for the later rounds has T. Mike snagging Kevin Nealon at the end of the draft, to reunite Hans with Franz (or is it Franz with Hans?). He has a great foundation for a potent cast.
Okay, let’s see who Jason picks to team up with Phil Hartman. Jason?
Jason Torchinsky selects Chris Elliott
(spit take)
I must have misread that. Let me look at that again.
Jason Torchinsky selects Chris Elliott
(double spit take)
Is that right? That can’t be right. Is that right? Let me look once again.
Jason Torchinsky selects Chris Elliott
(triple spit take, followed by fart)
Alan, I apologize to you about what I said about your Al Franken pick. At least Franken had a decent career at SNL. This is the worst pick of the draft so far. Terrible. This is taking a man-crush one step too far, in my opinion.
Look, I think Chris Elliott was hilarious on “Letterman,†and I love love love his brilliant sitcom “Get a Life,†and the first time I saw “Cabin Boy†I thought it was one of the funniest movies of the year (an opinion that changed the second time I saw it, curiously enough). However, in the days leading up to this draft, I stressed the point that the actors must be judged based on their career at SNL, and Chris Elliott had no career at SNL. He adds nothing to your cast, and to pick him in the second round (when no one else would even draft him in ten rounds) is the dumbest thing to ever happen in the 21st century.
And that’s saying a lot.
Will Ferrell is still out there. So is Gilda Radner. And Dan Aykroyd. And Jon Lovitz. And Chris Farley. Hell, Tim Meadows is still out there. You put a thousand monkeys in an Internet café, and ask them to participate in this draft, and all one thousand of them would make this pick. Why? BECAUSE MONKEYS ARE STUPID AND DON’T WATCH AS MUCH TV AS US! Sheesh!
I do thank you for passing on Will Ferrell, though. Two more picks to go and he’s mine.
Alan Benson selects Dennis Miller (news anchor)
Now that’s more like it, Mr. Benson. Why don’t you tell us why you went with Miller?
Alan Benson wants you to know:
Hey, remember all that stuff I said about looking for diamonds in the comedy rough and hidden treasures and hot chicks who are sexually aroused by the idea of six nerds sitting around AIM-ing one another fantasy SNL casts? Well it all still applies (especially the last — please contact VGG HQ immediately if the description fits).
“But, but,” you say. “But, but Dennis Miller isn’t an SNL unknown, hidden treasure, whatever. He’s probably the best-known modern newscaster. His run on the show was phenomenally successful, and it launched his later career as a professional smarty-pants. Also, I too like hot chicks turned on by AIM, will you share the names.”
To which I answer, no. Get your own hot chicks. We don’t even know if there are any hot chicks turned on by us. If any do exist, we will definitely want all of them to ourselves. And you know what we’ll want them for! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ho ha. (Jason, what do we want them for? Really? REALLY? Yuck. I’m telling mom you said the p word.)
Anyway, yes, Dennis Miller is an SNL powerhouse. Yet he was, at one point, a hungry unknown. Do you remember who did the news the season before he started? Of course not! I think they just scrounged up some grip to read a couple of “wacky” headlines, then cut to another hi-larious commercial parody. Miller changed all that, turning what was a relatively dull comic fixture into something funny. (The fact that one of his partners in comedy was my sixth pick is just icing on the cake. Mmm cake. Hot chicks and cake. Lord-a-mercy.)
So even though Miller turned out to be a big winner, I still chose him for my team of underrecognized heroes. That’s my pick, and I am outta here.
–Alan Benson
For the record, I do know who did the news the season before Dennis Miller. It was Christopher Guest. I don’t know if that says too much about me, but I know it was Guest. Anyway, now Alan has his Weekend Update desk filled, and his pick of Al Franken looks a little stronger when considering his commentaries on Update. Alan’s cast so far is the only one that could feel at home during Saturday night comedy or Sunday morning political talk shows. Not that we should take that into consideration. It’s just interesting, isn’t it?
What’s more interesting to me is that one more person has bypassed Will Ferrell. Now let’s let that idiot Rob and his database hurry up and select someone so I can pick me some Ferrell.
Rob Terrell selects Will Ferrell
Shit. Rob blind-sided me with science.
When you look back at the highlight reel of the past ten years of SNL, it will start with Will Ferrell, it will end with Will Ferrell, and all through the middle, there will be Will Ferrell. He’s the only cast member in the past decade who can rival the popularity of the past legends.
To be totally honest, I thought he was terrible the first time I saw him perform on the show. A couple of years later, I begrudgingly called him a star. Now, I realize the gi-normity of his SNL legacy, and I fully support his ascension to the top of the class. Yet sadly, he was plucked one spot before the promised land.
Well played, Rob Terrell. Well played.
Charles Rempel selects Bill Murray
Okay, okay, time to regroup. Rob’s Ferrell pick surprised me. Maybe his scientific approach has some merit. Maybe he misread the last name and thought he was drafting his long, lost cousin Will Terrell. Maybe he just got lucky. Any way you look at it, it was close but no ceeegar for my planned Murphy-Ferrell powerhouse.
But there are still some big names on the board right now. Bill Murray’s the man, alright, but there’s also Gilda Radner available, and whomever I don’t pick will be Galen’s next pick, guaranteed. Which one would I be more upset to lose? That answer is easy: welcome Bill Murray to the cast!
In the end, it comes down to happiness, and I’m ecstatic that the Great Bill Murray is in my cast. Actually, in the end, it comes down to screwing over your friends, and I’m ecstatic that the Great Bill Murray got picked right before Galen had a chance to get him. Shed a tear, suckah, cuz you’re getting’ Ferrelled!
You know, Ferrelled! Like, when rob picked Will Ferrell right before I could? And I’m doing the same to you? Only with Bill Murray? Should I stop typing now? Maybe I should.
Galen Black selects Gilda Radner
We’re made it to the 12th overall pick before the first woman is selected, so what better selection than the First Lady of Saturday Night Live? (Here’s a little SNL trivia nugget for you: Gilda was the first actor selected for the first SNL cast. So, back in the day of the first SNL draft, she was the #1 overall pick!)
You know you’re big when you’ve got one-name status, right? Sure, it helps to have a more unusual name (I got my work cut out for me to be universally known as Charles. Maybe I should focus on just Rempel?), but Gilda earned that status. She’s arguably the only woman on SNL (which isn’t always the easiest place for women to shine) to hold her own, to have as much success and popularity as her male castmates (and considering her fellow actors included Belushi, Aykroyd and Murray, that’s saying a lot).
Gilda gives Galen’s cast a strong anchor to the three-women requirement, plus gives an added bonus to his Weekend Update crew with her many characters’ commentaries. Strong pick, very smart. How Galen knew to do that, I’ll never know.
Round Two recap
Two rounds in the books now, and we can finally see the casts taking shape.
T. Mike has the solid Myers-Carvey duo, with plenty of material already at hand. Galen’s Belushi-Gilda combo is kickin’ it old-school, and will be a formidable cast to confront. Rob has a solid lead in Ferrell and a star in the anchor chair with Chevy, so I’m getting very curious about this scientific method of his.
Alan has a strong Update anchor with Miller, but his pick of Franken still has me scratching my head; he’ll need to make some clever picks in the next rounds to stay competitive. Jason has Phil Hartman and a piece of driftwood in his cast. Good job, yutz.
As for me, I can’t complain. With Eddie Murphy and Bill Murray, I daresay I have the strongest twosome in the group. Doubt me? Well, according to the all-mighty Wikipedia, former SNL writer Margaret Humphert has said Eddie Murphy and Bill Murray are the two most talented people in the history of the show. That’s right, Margaret Humphert said it. Who am I to doubt Margaret Humphert?
Disagree with my assessment so far? Can you justify Chris Elliott as a second-round pick, using only his SNL career as evidence? Post a comment and tell us what you think.