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Pastor Douglas P. Karlss came to lead our flock in Wendall Corners in 1988, after defeating our previous pastor, Pastor Richard Allin Jamie, in a street fight to the death. Thus was it shown that Karlss was Satan's chosen, although it was pretty close for a few minutes before Pastor Jamie finally bled to death. Pastor Jamie will always be remembered for his "sticktoitiveness" in Satan's service.
Pastor Karlss has helped revitalize the church by focusing its efforts on various outreach programs, instead of squandering our precious bodily essences in black orgies of sin as in the past. Numerous programs have been spearheaded by Pastor Karlss in an effort to bring "new blood" into the church, both literally and figuratively. Under his stern guidance and loving whip, we have reached out to all segments of the community: young, old, white, black, rich, poor, sane and insane alike.
Our Pastor has led us into new areas of outreach, such as television. His local cable public access program, "The Bewitching Half Hour" consistently attracts more phone calls than any other local public access show. In addition to writing each thirty minute script, Pastor Karlss also made all the little puppets himself!
Pastor Karlss has worked long hours to bridge the gap between the Satanglican Church and the Hell's Angels, who broke away from the mother church over disagreement about how Altamont had been handled. Karlss and the church's demon deacons have set up a committee to make similar overtures of reconciliation to other satanic sects such as the Episcopagans, the Demonicological Church, the Devangelical Church, the Demongelical Church, Church of the Latter Day Nazis, and Jews for Judas.
Our bake sales and car washes and other fundraisers raise money to support our most ambitious project, missionary trips to Africa. In some remote, primitive parts of Africa, there are christians who have never heard the good news about Satan! We want to spread the word of our Dark Lord to these poor unfortunates, but it takes time, money and blood.
We'd like to think there isn't a person in all Wendall Corners who hasn't, in some small way, been touched by Pastor Karlss' icy hand of absolute evil.