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The First Satanglican Church of Wendall Corners

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Our church is one of the oldest free-standing satanic churches in the continental United States, and the first Satanglican church east of the Mississippi. It was built by one of the church's original founders, Elias X. Bezoar. The story starts all the way back in the early 1800's, when a young Englishman named Elias X. Bezoar began his dream of eating one of every plant and animal mentioned in the complete works of Shakespeare. After several years searching fruitlessly for snipe (Act I, Scene III of "Othello"), he gave up and decided instead to content himself with eating the complete works of Shakespeare. Once again thwarted, (no manuscript for Shakespeare's lost play "Cardenio" has ever been found), he then turned to the Church of Satan for comfort, and a new beginning in life. Elias X. Bezoar Bezoar became a devout Satanist, but his Catholic wife did not share his religious beliefs. So, like many other hopeful souls suffering religious persecution, he emigrated to America in search of freedom. However, his wife managed to follow him and track him down. Unable to get a divorce from the Satanist Church (the Satanist Church is morally opposed to ending suffering) he, and a band of fellow similar-minded English satanists fed up with their wives and disenchanted with the Satanist Church, founded the Satanglican Church. The group wrote up a charter and signed it in blood, and then again in mucus just to be safe, and then a third time in ink after it was obvious no one could read the mucus signatures. In this unholy document, they pledged their lives and fortunes to the greater glory of Satan for as long as they should all never have to put up with their shrewish spouses again. Most members headed west, in hopes of learning new methods of pagantry and devilment from the heathen Pawnee Indians. But Bezoar and a few others settled on the east coast, and built churches to they spread the Word of the Worst Book. The year was 1842 when Elias X. Bezoar first decided to build a church so Satan's flock could meet somewhere out of the rain and he carefully considered its location. Obviously, a haunted house or the scene of a gruesome murder would be preferred, but times were tough and Elias was forced to look for an Indian burial ground. However, there being none around, quick-thinking Elias simply picked up his axe and made one, and built his church on that very spot. The church has not been without its troubles: In 1865, General Sherman's army marched through town, burning and looting. The church would surely have been burned by the rampaging boys in blue, but quick thinking church leaders set it on fire first, preventing its destruction at the hands of the Yankees. It was rebuilt in 1867. In 1912, a severe flood damaged the town and also washed away all of the Indian corpses Elias had worked so long and so hard to kill. But the congregation pulled together and new ones were acquired, thanks to our hooded brothers and the church was rededicated on April 30, 1913.