The Fantasy SNL League Draft: Round Seven

In these next four rounds, our casts will need to fill the open gaps. What are the gaps? Funny you should ask.

Galen needs to pick three men and one woman.
Charles needs to pick two men, one woman and a newscaster.
Rob needs to pick two men and two women.
Alan needs to pick two men and two women.
Jason needs to start over. (Okay, he really needs one man, two women and a newscaster)
T. Mike needs two men and two women.

With these facts in mind, let’s begin Round Seven: The Unleavened Heaven (I’m trying to sell it a little more. Did it work? No? Hmmmm. It was the unleavened part, right? Yeah, I forced it. Sorry.)

Galen Black selects Garrett Morris

Galen picks another one of the original cast. Someone’s showing his age.

Galen, you old fat man, tell us why you went with Garrett:

My next choice comes thanks to T. Mike. Earlier in the 6th round he said to me, “I think all the original members of the cast are gone now.” I looked over my list and saw one original alum waiting patiently to be picked. I needed a black man to round out my cast and there were a few available, but few as talented as Garret Morris. So thank you, T. Mike. Good luck with your future picks.

–Galen Black

Hmmm. Galen needs a black man to round out his cast. T. Mike earlier said he needed to fill his fat guy quotient. I know we split the cast into men and women, but did we add a fat and/or ethnic requirement? Let me check the by-laws… nope, nothing in there.

I’m not saying Garrett Morris is a bad pick, per se. I don’t think he got the stage time he deserved. But in those first five years, you had legendary performers hogging the spotlight. It would be tough for anyone to get the reps. However, in Galen’s cast, Morris should have all the stage-time he wants.

Charles Rempel selects Joe Piscopo

How is Piscopo still out there? Don’t question it, Charles, just say “thank you” and go.

Thank you.

Piscopo rejoins his castmate Eddie Murphy to create a power duo that kept Saturday Night Live from facing cancellation. A master of impersonations, he fits well with Darrell Hammond; there may be no one in history we can’t make fun of now. As a plus, my cast can now shoot Buckwheat every weekend, if we want. And just like Jon Lovitz, Joe Piscopo was on the top of the comedy heap at SNL, and when he left, he could never reached the top again. His talent is perfect for the sketch comedy format.

Piscopo embodies the spirit of my team, and to think, he was handed to me on a silver platter.

Once again, thank you.

Rob Terrell selects Tim Meadows

I remember one sketch in particular, I believe it was the season opener the year after Phil Hartman left. The cast members were auditioning for role of Bill Clinton. I remember Chris Elliott wanted to do Clinton as W.C. Fields, which turned out to be a harbinger of things to come. I also remember Tim Meadows. He had a great impression, the best of anyone, but in the middle of his speech he stopped and said, “I’m not getting this, am I?” Man, the way he said it was hilarious.

His signature character is, of course, Leon Phelps, better known to the world as “The Ladies’ Man.” That role is easily one of the more quotable SNL characters, at least with the crowd I run with. “The Ladies’ Man” to me is a guilty pleasure, much like Alan listening to ABBA in his car.

Once again, Rob’s scientific approach grabs a member from the mid-‘90s. I wonder if that’s a glitch in the system or just the way it worked out. We’ll have to get Rob to explain that.

Alan Benson selects Mary Gross

Good for you, Alan.

Jason Torchinsky selects Brian Doyle-Murray

So Jason says he needs a fat guy on his cast, and the only one left that he saw was Brian Doyle-Murray. I ask if he wanted him for his newscaster, since as far as I knew, that’s all he did on the show. Jason said no, he’s in the actor side. I said I didn’t think he performed in any sketches, but after a couple minutes of discussion, none of us were certain that he hadn’t been in any sketches, so we had to let Jason pick Brian Doyle-Murray.

Sure, why not? Who are we to stop Jason from creating the worst cast imaginable? Three of his seven members did absolutely nothing in SNL sketches. I can’t wait to see what’s next. Maybe he can draft that Amish dude who played bass for G. E. Smith. That would be great.

T. Mike Childs selects Rob Schneider

Admit it. If you’re old enough to have been in an office when Rob Schneider joins Saturday Night Live, admit it. You said “Makin’ copies!” while you made copies. It’s okay, we all did it. We all called our friend Tom the Tominator and Tomaromavich and Tomski. It’s just what we did, isn’t it?

Schneider’s Richmeister was an instant hit, but he had other popular characters, too (I’m partial to Tiny Elvis). I think he’s another performer whose stock fell in this draft based on his post-SNL career.

T. Mike discusses the Richmeister:

Round 7: In the vein of Adam Sandler, another low-brow crowd pleaser who got more annoying after they left the show: Rob Schneider. Not great, but good. Good enough for me.

–T. Mike Childs

You have to like it when your opponent describes his latest draft pick as “annoying.”

Round Seven recap

A lot of forgotten stars were claimed this round. Galen applied Affirmative Action to his draft selection, Jason decided the hole he’s dug for himself is not deep enough, and T. Mike and Rob decided to co-found an “I Heart the ‘90s” fan club. You know, the usual.

What do you think? Are we starting to lose our mojo? Have anyone been consistently successful? Who’s the largest omission so far? Use the Comments boxes to tell us the story.

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