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What Thanksgiving Means to Mythical Creatures
What Thanksgiving Means to Me
By Myrtle LeShanks, a Mermaid,
as told to Rob Terrell
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Last year, I went to my first Thanksgiving at my boyfriend Rick's
house. Rick and I had been dating for about a year. He invited me to
his family's celebration in Iowa. His parents are scary Republicans.
It was a long way from the ocean, and I wasn't (then) "out" with Rick
with respect to my being a mermaid, not to mention the fact that I'm a
bisexual. I spent three years in a lesbian underwater troika in
the San Franscisco Bay, and I was pretty sure my bitch ex-girlfriend
posted some naked photos of me online somewhere. In retrospect, it was
very risky, but I really loved Rick and wanted to make it work, so I
agreed to go.
Of course the whole thing was a fiasco. Rick's mother never said a
word, just served the meal in silence. His fascist Dad was drunk the
whole time. He wouldn't shut up about "the faggots" and I started to
lose my cool. He shut up pretty quick when I told him some of my best
friends were "faggots" and that maybe he should meet them, in fact
maybe he should try the lifestyle, it might open his mind. Whenever no
one was looking, Rick's brother Jeb kept trying to grab my ass. I
pulled him aside and told him to cut it out, and he pulled out the
photos of me -- he'd Googled me, you see -- and threated to show them
off. Then Rick suprised everyone by proposing to me, right then and
there, after the pie and before the coffee, down on one knee and all.
It was all too much, I started to cry, and the tears made my fins
start to come out, and everyone freaked out.
So I've got some complicated feelings about Thanksgiving.
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What Thanksgiving Means to Me
By The Tooth Fairy,
as told to Rob Terrell
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For me, Thankgiving is a work day. After Halloween it's the busiest
day of the year, what with all the chewing. I spend all night crawling
around from bed to bed, grabbing teeth. Here's a fun fact: every year
on "Black Friday" I've typically collected over TWO TONS of teeth.
Isn't that amazing? It always suprises me. And ruins the fuckin'
suspension in my F150!
After the huge haul, while I'm sorting the teeth and boxing them up for
shipping to their eventual destination in China, where they will be
ground up and sold as an aphrodisiac to dirty old Asian men, I eat a
take-out turkey meal from Boston Market.
So it's a little sad, in that I never get to see my family. But since I
clear about $2 million a year from that one day alone...let's just say
I spend the day with my best friend, Benjamin H. Fuckin' Franklin!
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What Thanksgiving Means to Me
By Sasquatch,
as told to Rob Terrell
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Mmfff! Huuuuh! NNguu! Heeewwww! Mpawa! Sheeeeenawg! M-wang! Boweee!
M-wang! Nguff! Nguff! Perfaaaaaaaaw! Yeeohhh, m-wang huuuuuh Mmffff
Nguff! Bohwee m-wang nguff prepaaaw yong fwassssau p'ing mpawa!
Yeeeooooh mmmmmmm-wang! Peeeraaaaw!
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