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What Thanksgiving Means to Mythical Creatures

What Thanksgiving Means to Me

By Myrtle LeShanks, a Mermaid, as told to Rob Terrell
Myrtle LeShanks
Last year, I went to my first Thanksgiving at my boyfriend Rick's house. Rick and I had been dating for about a year. He invited me to his family's celebration in Iowa. His parents are scary Republicans. It was a long way from the ocean, and I wasn't (then) "out" with Rick with respect to my being a mermaid, not to mention the fact that I'm a bisexual. I spent three years in a lesbian underwater troika in the San Franscisco Bay, and I was pretty sure my bitch ex-girlfriend posted some naked photos of me online somewhere. In retrospect, it was very risky, but I really loved Rick and wanted to make it work, so I agreed to go.

Of course the whole thing was a fiasco. Rick's mother never said a word, just served the meal in silence. His fascist Dad was drunk the whole time. He wouldn't shut up about "the faggots" and I started to lose my cool. He shut up pretty quick when I told him some of my best friends were "faggots" and that maybe he should meet them, in fact maybe he should try the lifestyle, it might open his mind. Whenever no one was looking, Rick's brother Jeb kept trying to grab my ass. I pulled him aside and told him to cut it out, and he pulled out the photos of me -- he'd Googled me, you see -- and threated to show them off. Then Rick suprised everyone by proposing to me, right then and there, after the pie and before the coffee, down on one knee and all. It was all too much, I started to cry, and the tears made my fins start to come out, and everyone freaked out.

So I've got some complicated feelings about Thanksgiving.

What Thanksgiving Means to Me

By The Tooth Fairy, as told to Rob Terrell
The Tooth Fairy
For me, Thankgiving is a work day. After Halloween it's the busiest day of the year, what with all the chewing. I spend all night crawling around from bed to bed, grabbing teeth. Here's a fun fact: every year on "Black Friday" I've typically collected over TWO TONS of teeth. Isn't that amazing? It always suprises me. And ruins the fuckin' suspension in my F150!

After the huge haul, while I'm sorting the teeth and boxing them up for shipping to their eventual destination in China, where they will be ground up and sold as an aphrodisiac to dirty old Asian men, I eat a take-out turkey meal from Boston Market.

So it's a little sad, in that I never get to see my family. But since I clear about $2 million a year from that one day alone...let's just say I spend the day with my best friend, Benjamin H. Fuckin' Franklin!

What Thanksgiving Means to Me

By Sasquatch, as told to Rob Terrell
Mpawa! Sheeeeenawg! M-wang!
Mmfff! Huuuuh! NNguu! Heeewwww! Mpawa! Sheeeeenawg! M-wang! Boweee! M-wang! Nguff! Nguff! Perfaaaaaaaaw! Yeeohhh, m-wang huuuuuh Mmffff Nguff! Bohwee m-wang nguff prepaaaw yong fwassssau p'ing mpawa! Yeeeooooh mmmmmmm-wang! Peeeraaaaw!

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