PART IV
by Galen Black



Sofa Bed Mattress Pad
What makes a sofa bed uncomfortable is not its lack of padding. Sofa bed designers placed a metal bar underneath the mattress at the same place your lower back rests. To cover this awkward bump, you'd need padding so thick and heavy it would crush the typical sofa bed's flimsy aluminum frame. The floor still ranks higher on the "Best Place to Sleep" list than a sofa bed.

Who Cares!!! Clock
This clock is suppose to remind you to forget about schedules and time constraints and just enjoy life. You're boss will flip when he sees your irreverence toward time. Right? Wrong! This clock was made by bosses to make you feel like you are rebelling against the norm. But look closer, only a three-year-old or a moron couldn't tell time by this clock. If they really wanted to make a clock that rebelled against time, the clock would have all the numbers in the right place, but no hands. That's a clock that tells you to forget about time.

King Tut's Sarcophagus Bookshelf
Don't you think this is a tad on the morbid side? It's a coffin! I don't care how you fancy it up with a name like "sarcophagus". To make things worse it's the coffin of a kid, a teenage kid. That's just sick. Besides, this elaborate "knick-knack" is designed to hide all your other smaller elaborate "knick-knacks." If you're gonna hide all the junk you buy in a coffin, then don't buy the junk! If you have so much crap you have to hide it all, have a garage sale!

The Toaster Cookie Jar
Kids love cookies. They'll eat them every chance they get. Parents have a choice: hide the cookies or deal with kids on such a chocolate chip high they'll need a DEA counselor to talk them down from top of King Tut's Sarcophagus. But where do you keep cookies out of sight from your kids? Well, research proves kids hate to toast things. So hide the cookies in the toaster. No, wait! Bad idea. Hide them in a jar shaped like a toaster. Yeah.

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