PART III
by Galen Black



Personal Digital Alcohol Breath Tester
Just in case the bar you're in doesn't have a huge bouncer to tell you how drunk you are, now you can figure it out all by yourself. The idea behind this device is noble, keep drunks out from behind the wheel of the car. That's great, but here's a tip: If you're so drunk you think you need to test and see how drunk you are, then YOU'RE TOO DRUNK TO DRIVE!!!!!!!

Mini Mini Fridge
This little item can keep up to 6 12 ounce drinks cool. It even runs off the 12 volt cigarette lighter outlet in your car. What kind of sissified world have we come to, where we can't go 25 minutes without a cold drink? It's okay to drink something that is less than ice cold. I know it sucks, but humanity was made to suffer.

The Messaging Hat
This hat has a programmable digital screen that displays messages. Remember the 10 bucks you spent on a "Where's the Beef" baseball cap, only to find out the next day it wasn't funny anymore. Never again! Just type in your, "funny once" slogan and erase it when the novelty has worn off. Oh, I can't wait for the LCD screen that you can attach to your car's bumper. You won't have to bother scraping off that "Sore Loserman" bumper sticker you thought was so funny back during the 2000 election.

Pen Recorder
This is a pen and a digital voice recorder. Here's what the catalog description says, "Wouldn't it be convenient if you could record a phone number or important message instead of trying to remember it?" They've got a point, so many times I've not remembered something, because I didn't have a PEN. I remember saying, "I wish I had a pen so I could record a message on it that I could play back later." They could have disguised this recorder as anything, but they chose to make it look like the one thing that serves the same purpose.

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