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Van Gogh-Goghs Hold Press Conference

LOS ANGELES (Intermunicipal Van Gogh-Gogh Press Syndicate) Feb. 21, 2000---- Local sketch comedy group the Van Gogh-Goghs held a press conference today at their ostentatiously named "international headquarters," a cramped 12' x 16' office in a bad part of town.

The group thanked members of the press for showing up at the sparsely attended affair. "Thanks for coming," said group member Galen Black. "Both of you."

"We really appreciate it," said group member T. Mike Childs. "We desperately need the coverage. What with our upcoming show and all."

The event, scheduled to begin at 9:20 a.m., was delayed by the tardiness of group member Rob Terrell.

"Rob is usually 20 minutes late for everything, so I told him to be here by 9," Childs explained. "But Galen screwed up and accidentally told him 9:20."

Terrell, who arrived promptly at 9:40 a.m., excused his lateness by claiming to have pulled over to help a vanful of war orphans put out an engine fire.

Reporters and Van Gogh-Goghs then stared at each other from across a folding card table, the silence broken only by the occasional creak of a folding metal chair or the pencil scratchings of a reporter doodling on a pad.

"Did we thank you for coming out?" asked group member Charles Rempel. "We did, right? Right."

"Oh! We nearly forgot!" group member Jason Torchinsky exclaimed. "We have some refreshments. Galen, go get the leftovers."

The refreshments, described in the media announcement as "catering," turned out only to be several room-temperature discount diet sodas and a small plate of saltines topped with Cheez Whiz.

"Do you like them? Black asked. "I made them myself."

Many, including this reporter, chose to go without rather than partake of the paltry selection.

"Any questions?" Terrell asked. "Any at all...?"

There were no questions. In fact, other than the low grumblings of two photographers, there were no sounds at all from the assembled press.

"I haven't had a quote yet," said group member Alan Benson. "Can I please have a quote?"

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