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Van Gogh-Goghs to Celebrate Christmas in July!

LOS ANGELES (Xmassociated Press) -- July 17, 2000 -- Fun loving local sketch comedy group the Van Gogh-Goghs have decided to celebrate Christmas a wee bit early this year. Five months early, that is!

Much like the Mad Hatter from Alice in Wonderland throwing unbirthday parties, this silly sextet will be exchanging gifts and sipping cider on July 25th instead of December 25th this year. And what does this gang of goofy guys want under their tree?

"I'd like psychiatric help for my Seasonal Affective Disorder," said a reindeer-horn clad Alan Benson. "It's pretty crippling."

"I could use some help with my Christmas cards," group member Rob Terrell said. "I'm never going to finish them in time. Fuck! Why do I always screw everything up? Why?"

"How about someone else to go visit my parents and explain why I don't have a real job, why I'm not married, why they don't have grandkids and why I'm such a big fat fucking failure," said group member T. Mike Childs. "Because I am not looking forward to it. At all."

It's all in the name of comedy for these frivolous, farcical funsters! Celebrating Christmas in July is just one of the many zany stunts these loony laff lovers have been known to pull in order to tickle a funny bone.

"We'll do anything for comedy!" Terrell said. "Sometimes it makes me feel like a whore. A dirty filthy whore."

"I was once forced to lick a 12 volt battery onstage," Childs said. "I think it permanently damaged my vision."

"A horrible, lesion-covered whore," Terrell added.

"One show I drank a bottle of Pert Plus for laughs," group member Charles Rempel said. "I was puking for a week. What the hell was I thinking? Why am I trapped in this hellish cycle of self-destructive behavior?"

"A vile unlovable disgusting pus-oozing rancid stinking whore," Terrell added, washing his hands furiously.

"Rob, please stop washing your hands," VGG Galen Black said. "Remember what the doctor said? Oh God no, not the wire brush! Give me that!"

And what does the group's jolly Jewish jester Jason Torchinsky think of all this Christmas craziness and Xmas Xcess?

"I had nothing to do with this. Their blasphemous approach to their religion sickens me," Torchinsky said. "And if they think I'm going to go for 'Hanukkah in July' they can kiss my ass. Seriously."

Let's hope Santa isn't laughing too loud to stuff rubber chickens and Groucho glasses in the Van Gogh-Goghs' summer stockings! And maybe ol' Saint Nick better wear shorts, sandals, and sunglasses this particular 25th!

Save some eggnog for us, guys!

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