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Van Gogh-Goghs Protest Outside Staples

LOS ANGELES (Aug. 15, AllVanGogh-GoghPolitics.com) — Local sketch comedy group the Van Gogh-Goghs today raucously protested the Democratic National Convention (DNC) outside a Staples store in the Westwood section of Los Angeles — nearly 10 miles from the Staples Center, where the DNC is being held this week.

"We were gonna go to the actual Staples Center, but man, you should have seen the traffic," said group member Alan Benson. "You know, I could understand it if there was some kind of huge convention going on downtown, but ... oh yeah."

It wasn't immediately clear what the group was protesting. Several of the Van Gogh-Goghs were holding placards proclaiming "The Status Quo Am OK With Us," while others alternately chanted "U.S. out of Connecticut" and hummed the theme to "Mannix." One Van Gogh-Gogh, identified only as "Galen," spent the entire protest marching silently up and down the sidewalk carrying a sign reading "No More Jenny McCarthy Sitcoms."

"What we're protesting isn't important," said VGG Rob Terrell. "What's important is that we're here to send an important message to Staples."

"And that message is ... uh, hey, look over there," he added, then ran.

The six-man group's protest began around 1 p.m. and lasted nearly 20 minutes, a record for the easily distracted VGGs.

"Normally, we can't keep on topic for more than a couple of minutes, which is kind of like that scene in "Big Trouble in Little Tokyo," when that big guy comes through that door that looked like the one on the principal's office back at our high school," VGG Jason Torchinsky said. "You know, it's really true what they say: don't bite your toenails."

After a peaceful start, the protest became violent because, in the words of VGG Charles Rempel, "nobody was looking at us."

"I figured that if I goosed Jason real good, people would have to pay attention," he said.

Rempel's plan went awry, however, when Torchinsky's girlish scream attracted the attention of the store owner, who dispatched the protestors by giving them souvenir "Staples #1 Office Supplier" pens. The group was so taken with the pens they decided to troll other local merchants for free items.

"We're thinking that a good 'Free Tibet' parade outside Baskin Robbins will be worth at least a couple of cones," group member T. Mike Childs said as the group drove out of the Staples parking lot.

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