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Van Gogh-Goghs Plan Scene by Scene Remake of Hogan's Heroes.

LOS ANGELES (Knight-Ridder-Van Gogh-Gogh Press), Dec. 23, 1998 -- The Van Gogh-Goghs, a Los Angeles county-based sketch comedy group, announced today it will begin production of a scene by scene remake of the classic television sitcom, 'Hogan's Heroes.' Inspired by the masterful photocopy of 'Psycho' by Gus Van Sant, the Van Gogh-Goghs said they believed a generation of TV watchers may never watch the 1960's World War II prison camp comedy because of its out of date actors and sets.

"Who wants to watch a young Richard Dawson do anything, and those 1940's era cars, what's up with that?" questioned group member T. Mike Childs.

The remade show will be a verbatim video quote of the old series, except for new actors and actresses and setting the film in the far future, when the Germans will more than likely try to conquer the world again.

The show is slated as a possible midseason replacement series for the soon-to-be-launched Steven Bochco Network. A network spokesperson said, "The [Van Gogh-Goghs' show will be the cornerstone to our lineup]...."

Some TV critics asked if the Van Gogh-Goghs plan to tackle the bigger issues of World War II the original series totally ignored, such as the Holocaust. Van Gogh-Gogh Alan Benson replied with a qualified 'no.' "We aren't against the idea of including that in the show, but we won't ever do it in a million years."

When asked why, member Jason Torchinsky replied, "Cause they ain't nothing funny about the genocide of millions of Jews."

The Van Gogh-Goghs will also star in the wacky send-up of the misadventures of Allied POW's in Nazi Germany. Charles Rempel has been cast as the sly Col. Hogan. Rempel said he still has a ways to go to equal the performance of Hollywood legend Bob Crane. "Crane was a genius. And if anyone can explain how he convinced girls to come to his hotel and be videotaped having sex, I am all ears."

Here is the current casting for the series:

Charles Rempel as Col. Hogan
Al Benson as Cpl. Newkirk
Galen Black as Cpl. Lebeau
T. Mike Childs as Tower Guard 2
Jason Torchinsky as Sgt. Carter
Rob Terrell as Major Hochstetter.

"We cast me as Lebeau because I can barely speak well English as it is," said Black. "So if I can't pronounce a words in the script all I have to do is pretend I'm speaking French and no one will ever know the difference."

When asked about his rather minor role, T. Mike Childs said, "Hell yeah! All I have to do is sit in a guard tower all day. And on those really hot days when the rest of the cast is sweating in the L.A. sun, I'll be sitting pretty in the shade rubbing ice on my head eating donuts."

Although the rest of the roles have not been cast, pending actual phone calls to check on availability, the Van Gogh-Goghs listed their 'dream cast:' 'Weekend at Bernie's 2' star Andrew McCarthy as Col. Klink, 'Love Boat' star Lauren Tewes as Klink's sexy secretary Helga, Fred Willard as Sgt. Schultz, and Rob's Uncle Terry to play bumbling Tower Guard 1 opposite Childs.

"I'm proud of Uncle Terry" said Terrell, "If this works out there could be a spin-off series for him and T. Mike. I'm just throwing things out off the top of my head, but I think we could call the show 'Two Guards, a Tower, and a Nazi Prison Camp.' Wow, that's great! I gotta write that down and tell the boss later."

The show is scheduled to begin production as soon as the Van Gogh-Goghs finish taping all the original episodes off of Nickelodeon's TV Land channel and transcribing the dialogue.

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