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Van Gogh-Gogh Hands Become Devil's Workshop
Local sketch group tackles non-performing activities
LOS ANGELES (August 20, 1998) -- In a terse statement released a month ago, local sketch comedy group the Van Gogh-Goghs announced they were taking a brief respite from performing.
At the time of the announcement, the group said they planned to write several sitcom and movie scripts during their non-performance spell. However, these plans fell awry when they chanced to meet up with Satan, an important local figure in the entertainment industry.
According to sources close to the group, the Prince of Darkness proposed a "hip pocket deal" that enabled the Van Gogh-Goghs to freelance as uncredited evil minions. The source told reporters this week that the Van Gogh-Goghs "jumped at the chance. "
"It's great!" an enthusiastic T. Mike Childs claimed. "I'm gonna go set something on fire right now!"
Stroking his Satan-inspired goatee, Van Gogh-Gogh Rob Terrell explained that "evil is turning out to be a lot more fun than writing. Writing is really hard work! This evil stuff is looking like the smart way to go."
When informed of Childs' arsonistic enthusiasm, Terrell chuckled. "The beauty of evil is I can be just as evil sitting comfortably at home writing a computer virus or Microsoft product as T. Mike is getting all sweaty and sooty setting fire to some great public building," he said.
Group member Alan Benson, a slavering glint in his eye, put it more succinctly. "Bad are good! Good am bad! Wait...Ow! Reporter make Alan head hurt! Which is bad... but bad are good...so...thank you reporter! Thank you for make Alan head hurt! Bye bye now!"
According to the other members, VGG Charles Rempel has chosen to focus his newfound evilness on the deadly sin of sloth, so he declined to comment or move.
Area Van Gogh-Gogh watchers reported that member Galen Black is less than enthusiastic about the deal. "I know Satan from his work on the Underwood ham can, so I assumed we'd be given our hearts' desire in exchange for our souls," he said. "Unfortunately, we ended up not signing anything, much less in blood."
Satan was unavailable to comment on Black's statement, but Wormwood, a spokesdemon for Hell Amalgamated Industries, reiterated that the deal was beneficial to both sides.
"This deal allows the Van Gogh-Goghs the breathing room they need as potential evil minions to grow and mature," he said. "If they prove themselves worthy of the evil one, then we will definitely consider offering them limited contracts."
VGG member Jason Torchinsky also expressed ambivalence about the deal. "Sure, I'll be doing evil deeds when I can, but I'm also going to continue doing my standup act at area bars and open mics nights," he said.
"I think it's foolish for us to depend totally on Satan for our careers. I think we should continue writing and committing unspeakable acts."
The other group members violently disagreed with Torchinsky's assesment of the deal.
"No write! No write!" Benson shrieked, kicking a puppy.
"Burn stuff!" a blackened Childs hissed as he caught the puppy and kicked it back.
"Obviously this is something we're going to have to work out as a group," Torchinsky sighed.
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