Archive for the ‘Update’ Category

Christmas Comedy

Wednesday, December 12th, 2012

Gabba Gabba Ho!
In celebration of the birth of our Lord, Santa Christ, we share with you the spirit of the season! HA HA! Now we don’t have to get you a real present! Chump! Hey, it was either this or macrame. You’re lucky you’re not getting an ashtray made out of Play-Doh, like Mom. Enjoy with our compliments-

Love, The Van Gogh-Goghs

new Feelin’ Scrooge-y? Den fizzuck dat Chriznismas Schnizzle and get your Grinch on: How to Ruin Christmas!

new Tis the season! For cheap nostalgia of Christmases past! Our Most Memorable Presents!

* Bring on the booze! Ah, sweet delicious booze… What better way to consume it than by playing our Holiday TV Specials Drinking Games!

* Want to see Santa on Christmas morning? Leave him a batch of our special Santa Claus Knockout Cookies!

* Not sure if you’re getting coal or presents this year? Sounds like you better take our Naughty or Nice Quiz!

* How to Prevent a Santa Invasion

* Jason’s Christmas Memories He Never Really Had

* What Christmas Means to Mythical Creatures

* Double-Ho-Seven

Van Gogh-Goghs Endorse Melonpants for Senate

Monday, October 29th, 2012

The Van Gogh-Goghs are officially endorsing Senator Melonpants for Senate. Melonpants has served this country proudly during the last 6 years and will continue to make this country great. Unlike Governor Clamford, Melonpants will not sell out our children’s future, but fight to keep them alive at least until their brains are mature enough to eat. Not that Sen. Melonpants likes to eat brains or that he doesn’t like to eat brains. We’re just saying the Senator is looking out for the brain eating voters of America. And also those who don’t eat brains. Watch this documentary for a behind the scenes look at Senator Melonpants’ campaign.

Make Halloween a National Holiday!

Tuesday, October 23rd, 2012

Friends, isn’t it past time that we made Halloween, a national, government-approved holiday? Halloween is a wonderful, magical event when the whole family gets together and has a terrific time, no matter what their race, religion or sexual orientation. Why should this marvelous time of community and family bonding be forced to hobble along in its current, semi-observed, legal limbo?


Oh, I can hear the protests now. Halloween is satanic! Halloween encourages hooliganism! Halloween apples are chock full of razor blades! Halloween is antisemitic! Let me tell you something. Halloween isn’t about Satan. It isn’t about paganism. It isn’t even about hallows, whatever the hell they are. It’s about candy, dammit! Candy, candy, candy!!! Now granted, apples could have razor blades in them, which is why they should all be banned, period. And as for candy apples, that unholy hybrid of candy and noncandy, you don’t even want to get me started. But do you know what so-called Christians’ real objection to Halloween is? We got free candy coming to us and those bastards don’t want to have to give it to us.

Did you know that right now, we only have THREE holidays dedicated to candy? That’s right, Valentine’s Day, Easter and Halloween and that’s it! And how many are recognized by the government?! One! That’s how tenuous our position is! One good push by the Christian Coalition, and these “satanic” and “heathen” holidays couldbe gone and millions of children could go candyless 11 months of the year. Without government recognition, Valentine’s Day and Halloween could be gone just like that, and there wouldn’t be a thing we good-hearted, candy-loving citizens could do about it. It’s bad enough as it is that we have to wait months, MONTHS, between candy-dispensing holidays.

At the very least, let us start giving candy away on otherwise completely useless legal holidays like Columbus Day. Why we have a whole holiday for some city in Ohio is beyond me. But if we have to, we might as well get some candy out of it. Or why don’t we rename it for Hershey, Pennsylvania, the candiest city in the good ole US of A? Happy Hershey Day! Okay, maybe that focuses too much on one particular company, and that’s unfair to M&M Mars. They do good work, too. And what about Martin Luther King, Jr. Day? Why does he get a holiday? Did Martin Luther King, Jr. ever distribute candy? Possibly, but not widely. He certainly did not bring enough for everyone at all those speeches he gave. And speeches are boring! Get to the candy, already, I find myself saying in the middle of speeches. We have got to stop creating holidays for people who give speeches (presidents, veterans, labor, MLK, Jr.) and create more holidays where candy is distributed, like our good, good friend Halloween.

Many of you are probably saying, what about the government-approved holidays dedicated to really big dinners, Thanksgiving and Christmas? What about the grilling and barbecuing holiday, the Fourth of July? And the drinking holiday, New Year’s Eve? Look, these holidays are all well and good. But they don’t get us any more #@$*! candy, now do they?! Obviously, the government has a vested interest in seeing its citizens well fed and completely inebriated. But it does not have such an interest in seeing its citizens fat and toothless from candy. How long are we going to put up with this monstrous injustice of naked, hateful, anti-candy prejudice?! We have a right, nay a duty, to eat as much candy as we want- dinner be damned, flab be damned, and dentists be damned.

Before it’s too late, I urge all of you, in the name of candy, to make Halloween a national holiday! For the love of candy, write your congressperson! Do it for the children! Do it for Halloween! But most of all, do it for the candy!

Fake It Till You Make It

Saturday, August 20th, 2011

Listen to an hour of your favorite fake bands and an interview by Rocklopedia Fakebandica author T. Mike Childs. (Interview about 13:00 minutes in)

The Rocklopedia Fakebandica is on the air!

Thursday, July 21st, 2011

89.3 The Current

This Sunday, Sunday, SUNDAY, July 24th at 9pm Central Time, the fine and highly intelligent folks at Minnesota Public Radio will be presenting a radio show about The Rocklopedia Fakebandica! Tune in to 89.3 The Current to ”The Current Presents” to catch it, or listen online here.

Here’s where you can hear The Current:

Austin KCMP 103.9
Saint Cloud (Collegeville) KNSR 88.9 HD 2
Hinckley KCMP 97.5
Mankato KCMP 95.3 and 105.1
Minneapolis KCMP 89.3
New Ulm KCMP 95.3
Rochester KMSE 88.7
Saint Paul KCMP 89.3
Saint Peter KCMP 93.5

Monkey’s Paw

Tuesday, April 19th, 2011

The Van Gogh-Goghs live from SketchFest Seattle in the year 2000. This is one of our favorite sketches we like to call “Monkey’s Paw”.  And if you listen real close you can hear the sounds of people playing pool in the billiards hall above the Speakeasy Café.


Happy 50th Anniversary of Soviet Space Superiority!

Tuesday, April 12th, 2011

dat you Yuri?

Download here (14 Mb)

Make for glorious triumph Yuri Gagarin of FIFTY years ago spaceman in space to being first over American pigdogs.

Name that Unicorn! (or Native American)

Wednesday, April 6th, 2011

Unicorn or Native American?

Say friends, do you have an unnamed unicorn or Native American just sitting around the place? Are tired of shouting “Hey! You there!” and not knowing which unicorn or Native American might respond to your call?

Well fret no more! The Van Gogh-Goghs are here to do away with the endless, workaday drudgery of coming up with appropriate names for your unicorn or Native American! Thanks to the miracle of “science” combined with the Internet, you can name your mystical, special friend or unicorn easily and quickly! To use, merely click the “Create Name!” button:

Get Lied to on Twitter!

Wednesday, June 9th, 2010

Twitter logo


We got a Twitter account! Follow us, won’t you?!

It’s not just any ole bullcrap like your aunt twittering what they ate, read, saw, breathed. It’s full on lies, my good, good friend. May I call you friend? Great! Also, can I borrow $50 bucks? I can pay you back Tuesday. Awesome.

Look, we know what you like. Fooling your friends. With lies. No problem. We have got tons of believable lies. Try ’em out, see if you can get your friends to believe ’em. Or just be amused up to and including once a day! Fresh lies daily! DAILY, my friend. DAILY. No lie!

Bollixing up Boxing Day

Saturday, December 26th, 2009

What the Hell is Boxing Day?
Several Theories as to its Origin

by an American Citizen

As a member of the great American calendar-owning public, there are some things I don’t appreciate. Like Easter getting moved around every year. Can’t the pope make up his damn mind?! I also don’t appreciate it when the calendar manufacturers try put two days on the same square with a diagonal slash through it. Cheap bastards. And lastly, I really, really hate it when they put lousy stinking foreign commie, non-U.S. holidays on MY calendar, like Cinco de Mayo, Kwaanza, and Boxing Day.

Hey, the last time I checked I was still living in AMERICA and not North Korea! Let those filthy reds celebrate all the heathen Kwaanza they want, but keep it out of OUR calendars! Children read those things for God’s sake!

Which brings us to Boxing Day. There it is, every damn December 26th. What the hell is it?! I mean, all those other weirdo holidays are in the crazy moon-man language non-American countries tend to use, so you can write them off as crazy foreign pinkoness. But I used to think we could trust our fellow English-speaking countries, like Britain and Canada (excluding the People’s Republic of Quebec). But then they had to go behind our backs and invent “Boxing Day” on us, just to try and steal some of our thunder for having invented Christmas. Why else would they have stuck it on December 26th? Sneaky bastards.

Since whatever they claim to be the “official” reason for Boxing Day will obviously be state-disseminated lies and propaganda, I have decided to investigate the truth. Since I recently spent an entire afternoon in Canada, I think I am pretty well qualified to speak authoritatively on the origins of Boxing Day. After considering the matter thoroughly for several minutes, then cracking open a cold beer and thinking some more during the commercial breaks of a Home Improvement rerun, I have come up with the following theories:

* Boxing Day is a Canadian plot to try and steal credit for inventing corrugated cardboard by making a national holiday out of the day it was patented- which is patently absurd! Everybody knows that corrugated cardboard was invented at Bell Labs in Menlo Park, New Jersey by Nazi scientists we snagged from Germany after WWII, working under the direction of Steve Wozniak. Granted, the Canadians did invent REGULAR cardboard, if you call that inventing. Hell, I could have invented that.

* Boxing Day is how the former English colonies commemorate getting their ASSES WHUPPED by Johnny Chinaman during the Boxer Rebellion in China at the last turn of the century. Sure, they try to play it off like Memorial Day, honoring their war dead and crap, but if it hadn’t been for us Americans bailing their butts out then, they’d be speaking Mandarin all the way from London to Vancouver right now. And do you think they ever thanked us? Pfft! No! Ungrateful bastards.

* Boxing Day has something to do with the game of Cricket. There’s some kind of box involved in there somewhere. Probably. I’m pretty sure.

* Boxing Day is an invention of the Canadian kite industry to try to popularize the more expensive “box” kite, as opposed to the cheap regular kind. It further shows how the Canadians are trying to undermine the youth of America by encouraging kids to go outside and play with sissy kites instead of watching manly sports on TV, like boxing and anything with the word “extreme” in it.

* Boxing Day is just some crap Canadians made up so they could get the day after Christmas off. And what do we get? Martin Luther King Jr. Day, way the hell out in the middle of January where it doesn’t do anybody any good! Why the hell couldn’t he have been born on December 26th?! I say the next national martyr we assassinate better damn well be born on (or, possibly, get killed on) December 26th. Hell, if we can find martyrs from Christmas through New Year’s, so much the better! Whose bright idea was it to put those two holidays just far enough apart that you still have to work half the week, anyway?! Probably the pope. Papist bastard.

That’s how I figure it, anyway.