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National Masturbation Month Has Gotten Too Commercialized

by T. Mike

Well, the month of May has come and gone again, and with it, another annual National Masturbation Month. Forgive me if I sound like Ebeneezer Dworkin, but this year I didn't feel much like celebrating. National Masturbation Month used to be about the masturbating. Now, I just don't know anymore.

Now it all seems like just a sorry excuse to sell dildos, XXX DVDs and anal love beads. Is this what masturbating is all about? I don't think so. The adult entertainment industry has turned National Masturbation Month into a hollow, hollow sham and a mockery. And I'm not just talking about the big national chains, either. I used to enjoy perusing the shelves of my cosy local mom 'n' pop sex shop. But now I avoid the place like the plague- at least during National Masturbation Month. It's out of control. I went by in the middle of March and there were already banners up. The decorations go up earlier and earlier every year. Worse, my neighbor leaves theirs up for weeks after it's well over!

When I was a lad, all I needed was my imagination and my trusty right hand. Possibly some tissues. But that was it. Now, it seems if you aren't lubing up your lava lamp condoms with edible patchouli oil and using at least three buzzing gizmos and two dozen "D" batteries in a leather harness, you're not doing it right.

We need to get away from the crass commercialization and remember the reason for the season. It's not about pink vinyl ball gags and chrome plated nipple clamps. It's not about gold-embossed leather binders for storing your copies of Swank, Cheri, Oui and Sports Illustrated's Swimsuit Edition. It's not about artificial vaginas cast from a mold of porn star Jenna Jameson's vagina. It's not about the vibrator with pedals. It's not about things. It's supposed to be about the masturbating. It's about becoming more orgasmic. It's about pleasure. It's about learning to pleasure yourself, so that you can guide your lover into better pleasuring you. Not selfishly buying a bunch of crap you'll use once, get bored with, shove in the back of the nightstand drawer and then have to constantly worry over the kids finding.

Now please don't get me wrong. I'm not some bah humbugging Edwin Meese. I'm not saying get rid of National Masturbation Month; far from it. The Masturbation-A-Thon raises badly needed funds for worthy sex charities. The g-spot and clitoris cartography projects still need extensive research. As long as even one woman remains frigid, we must keep masturbating. I'm just saying we need to get back to the spirit of what National Masturbation Month truly means. I think we all need to just take a few minutes and stop and think, really think, about masturbation.

For say, ten or fifteen minutes.

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