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Interesting Medical Terms I've Heard That Would Make Good Band Names

by T. Mike

I like to think of myself as a cosmopolitan kind of guy. I guy who's been almost all the way around the block, except for that scary dark alley. A guy who's been several places and seen a couple dozen things. A worldly-wise traveler of the route between work and home. And what better way to show off my fraction of savoir faire than with my complete smattering of medical knowledge! It is in this spirit I present my complete list of interesting medical terms I've heard that would make good band names, complete with definition and a description of the band that should use it.

This word has to do with the number of sets of chromosomes within a cell. It is somehow used to determine the proliferative capacity of tumors.
     Ploidy would be one of those incomprehensible, odd, European novelty bands that storm the American charts for a month or two then fade into oblivion, at least on this side of the Atlantic. Like Stump, Right Said Fred, or Chumbawumba.

Shifting Dullness
This term refers to a condition you get when your abdomen fills with fluid (bad thing) and when the doc thumps it with his rubber mallet, it sounds wrong (dull). The shifting part comes when you roll over, and the fluid all sloshes over with you, making it sound all dull on that side, too.
     This name would simply have to go to a group of politically aware hardcore punks. There's just no getting around it. The name just screams "I'm firmly against the bland, suburban bougeouisie status quo." Doesn't it, though? Or is it just me?

This means, um, to fold in a part of something within another part.
     A band named "Invaginate" would probably be best suited for a bunch of drag queens who wanted to recreate a seventies glam rock band with all the attendant androgynous costumes. But whereas the original glam rockers were men who tried to look feminine, this band would be men in drag as women, who then tried to look more masculine - coming at androgyny from the other direction as it were.

This is a genus of African toads that gets studied a lot in certain medical circles for reasons I'm not certain of. It must be a pretty cool toad.
     The band this would be depends on the word's pronunciation. If it's ZEN-opuhs, then the band is a humorless Henry Rollins type rap 'n' rage band. But if it's zeno-PUSS, then it's a literate, young African American rapper, like Del the Funkee Homosapien.

This is a type of substance that triggers a nerve receptor just like the substance that normally triggers the nerve receptor.
     Goth rock meets new wave electro pop. They would never be as cool as they wanted, because everyone would think they were a bunch of Star Trek geeks. But in reality, everyone would be thinking of the Agonizer, a Klingon torture device from the first series.

The germline is the lineage of an organism, as spelled out in its genes.
     This one is a toughy. But I'm pretty sure the band would be a cross between the cold impersonal beats of Kraftwerk and the shock rock tactics of Marilyn Manson. I'm not saying it would work, but it'd be interesting to see them try.

Anti-Sense Therapy
Anti-sense therapy is a way of fighting cancer at the DNA level, by introducing DNA that prevents the tumor from doing it's bad stuff.
     Anti-Sense Therapy is English band, that's for sure. And all their albums are concept albums. It may take a couple of listens to figure out what that concept is, but it's always there, in their extremely literate and cryptic lyrics. It's really too bad the music is mostly neo-hippie twaddle.

Straining to Void
Well, this is allegedly what Elvis was doing when he died.
     And in his honor, I would like to propose that this band would cover the songs of Elvis Presley, but do them in the style of U2.

Maple Syrup Urine Disease
Maple syrup urine disease is a rare genetic disorder where your urine and sweat smell sweet, like maple syrup. That doesn't sound so bad, except it's potentially fatal.
     This would be a Japanese avant-noise band. Most recordings would just be screaming and random noises edited together. Sometimes it would just be the same drumbeat looped for 17 minutes. They would get played a lot on college stations at 3 a.m. when the DJ had to go to the bathroom and wanted to take their time for a change.

Blueberry Muffin Baby
This is a nasty condition where the infant has horrible purple skin lesions all over, making its skin look like, you guessed it, a blueberry muffin. It's enough to put you off blueberry muffins.
     Blueberry Muffin Baby could be the name of many types of artists- punk, children's music, techno, what have you. But I think it would best be suited to a poppy sounding, young, savvy African American female rapper, but! And this is important, one who is heavily into girl power and pro-empowerment messages rather than all that gangsta and ho junk.

Okay, this word isn't specifically medical, it just means a hatred of new ideas.
     But I think it would be a great name for a lesbian folk trio, only one of the members is straight, but she feels it's important to get the message out. The other two lesbians would look down on her as "soft on the man issue," but she would be the only one who could really play.

Small Cement Glands
This is some part of the cell in Drosophila, a kind of fly that biology grad students are forced to study with surprising frequency.
     They would have one really unusual instrument in the band, like a flute or violin or bagpipes or something. It gives the band a great visual hook, but they always get tired of being referred to as " oh, that band with the flute/violin/bagpipes." This band would be a popular college band always trying, but never quite making the big time. And the band's membership would always be changing as people got disillusioned and quit.

This is the name of a gene of Drosophila. All the genes of this fly are well mapped and even have fun nicknames, so all those poor sap biology grad students can feel vaguely cool discussing them.
     This would probably be a very noisy and hard-rockin' industrial metal type band, but with songs full of charmingly wacky and self-deprecating humor.

This is also the name of a gene of Drosophila. Man, I must've been taking a lot of notes during this biology grad student's Drosophila project.
     I think Knirps, or "The Knirps" is the perfect name for a band that combines punk's noise, thrash and energy with the tight vocal harmonies and engaging melodies of barbershop quartets. I don't know why, but I just think that.

Well, uh, this is also also the name of a gene of Drosophila. Hey, if you need a band name, go find a list of Drosophila genes. It's an untapped gold mine!
     I have thought long and hard about the type of music a band named Xotx would play, and alas, I have to tell you, it isn't really a band at all. It's just a bunch of studio musicians flung together for one album. I realized that "Xotx" is a name that is just trying too hard. It's trying so hard to be cool, that's it's completely obvious it's a blatant invention of some marketing department. The album is just a bunch of by-the-numbers pop and rock to cash-in on some kid's cartoon show, and only available by sending in so many cereal box tops. And for that, well, I'm sorry.

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