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Death to the Van
Gogh-Goghs!
Being a Van Gogh-Gogh isn't all fun and games. Sometimes you have to look death right in
the eye. It's times like these that we find ourselves thinking about funerals.
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T. Mike
After my death, I want to be buried intact inside an enormous block of amber. No coffin, just my body
preserved floating inside a block of dried pine sap the size of Coke machine. That way, even millions of
years after my death, scientists can dig me up, take a sample of my only slightly deteriorated DNA, patch
up the holes with a little frog DNA, and clone umpteen T. Mikes! There can be great big ones running around
stomping on Tokyo tour buses and toy tanks. Or medium sized peaceable T. Mikes that only eat vegetation
and live in bogs. Oo! and even meaner, smaller "raptor" T. Mikes that will be smart enough to figure out a door knob.
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 | Galen
I was hoping that Luanne (my wife) would get my friends and family together for a surprise funeral. I walk
into the living room one night after work and all the lights are turned out. Then all of a sudden the lights
come on and everyone jumps up from behind the coffin and yells surprise. Then we could all enjoy the
funeral together. But someone make sure Luanne doesn't try to send me to the Crematorium afterward.
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 | Charles
Upon my death (or whenever the fire department finally breaks down my door, climbs through the empty
cough syrup bottles and top hats, and discovers my decaying remains), I envision the following funeral:
The funeral takes place on a cliff overlooking the ocean. People say wonderful things about me and my
now-defunct flea circus that caused my ruin. Then when all the speeches are complete, a representative of
my choosing (or bowling great Earl Anthony, if available) will shove my lifeless corpse into a huge circus
(not flea circus) cannon, light the fuse, and shoot my body into shark-infested waters. Then the limbo
contest begins, following by sack races.
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 | Alan
When I die, I want a simple, straightforward service. I'd like to be cremated and then have
an open-casket funeral. The guests could sift through the ashes in hopes of finding fillings and pocket change. And then,
after the service, I'd like to be mixed with onion soup and sour cream and served as dip.
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 | Jason
Keeping with the traditions of Judaism is of utmost importance to me when it comes to my funeral plans. That is why I plan to use a simple pine box casket, as the Talmud dictates.
The only major point on which I think I'd like to differ is this: Immediately after I die, I will have my skeleton replaced with an animatronic skeleton, powered most likely with hydraulics and electronic servos. This animatronic rig will be programmed to ride in the passenger's seat of the hearse until the burial site (probably somewhere inside the Jefferson Memorial) is reached. It will then make my body get out of the hearse and begin to walk towards the coffin. Along the way, it will wave to the collected mourners and say, in a recording I'll make before I die, "Thanks for having me, folks!"
Upon reaching the coffin, my body will climb in, pull the lid shut, then pound twice on the lid and yell, "Okay, boys. Lower me down!"
I also may possibly program something in to say "Where'd you learn to pallbear... clown college?" if the coffin is jostled.
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Rob
Has no immediate plans to die.
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 Up to The Morbid Page.
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