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T. Mike Predicts the Deaths of the Other Van Gogh-Goghs
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Galen
I predict Galen, having lived a long and peaceful life, will die in bed, in his sleep, but with his boots on, having forgotten to take them off the night before. The cause of death? Simply forgetting to live. His tombstone will read "Galen Black: He Forgot to Live," only in a nicer font. And in stone.
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Charles
I predict Charles' death will happen after chasing after a beer truck (probably Olympia) down the street and catching it. Charles will strain himself catching the truck, suffer a severe hernia, and sadly, after several weeks of being bedridden by his debilitating illness, I'll shoot him.
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Rob
I predict Rob will take the coward's way out and attempt to kill himself. However, being too cowardly to commit the deed himself, he will hire a hit man to kill himself. After several narrow misses, Rob will realize the wondrous cinematic possibilities inherent in such a zany madcap black comedy thing and desperately try to cancel the hit on himself and get his deposit back. He will successfully call off the hit man and find a new zest for life. Unfortunately, months later, while writing the movie based on the incident, he will get writer's block, and in desperation hire another hit man to kill himself again. After several more narrow misses and another successful calling off of the hit, Rob completes the script and gets blacklisted in the assassination industry. Then, upon learning a movie with a similar plot had been made years ago, a depressed and dejected Rob, utterly without hope, is shot by me.
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Jason
I predict Jason will die after being caught sneaking into a Masonic Lodge on an 11-cent bet with his friend Selena. There he will witness the Masons perform their hallowed rituals and secret, sacred rites (really just a gussied up version of the Hokey-Pokey). The Holy Brotherhood will be so completely outraged by his violation of their holiest of holies and his learning their secret password that I will have no choice but to shoot him. Or, it could be the same thing, only with an abandoned house instead of all that Mason crap.
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Alan
I predict Al will die when God says he will and not before, no matter how many times I shoot him. Al's amazing Rasputin-like constitution will require me to poison him, stab him, shoot him and finally after kicking and beating him into unconsciousness, wrap his body in a curtain and dump it in a hole in the ice of the frozen Neva river before I finally finish off the bastard.
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 Up to The Morbid Page.
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