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Prove Us Wrong Number 14
Okay, we got proved wrong again. But we can explain, I swear! It's not our fault, really, no honest! There we were, stating a resolution, minding our own business when uh, these bad guys came along and jumped us! And we tried to fight back only I had to save everybody cause I know Karate Fu and I was kicking all these guys asses so hard, whuppin' up on them all Bruce Li style hi-yaaa!! Oh, and after I saved everybody with my Kung-Jitsu, we found the bad guys had proved us wrong when we weren't looking. That's what really happened, I swear!
RESOLVED: The board game Monopoly is the source of more arguments than any other board (or card) game.
Date: Monday, September 4, 2000 7:14 PM
From: envoy@(deleted)
Gentlemen:
Due to the, uh, positions taken by several people at a get-together who may or may not know each other and are either married to or dating to other people watching them DO this, the board game "Twister" is the source of the most HEATED arguments (post-party, of course).
But the MOST arguments? Yeah, Monopoly's pretty commonly played and the law of averages is more with that game than with Twister. But Monopoly is played with FAKE money. And we all know people get most upset over losing REAL money. And a game at which alcohol is usually a staple jacks up the odds of an argument.
Ergo: I propose POKER as the game with the most arguments. By the way: how does one go about proving this by tallying up arguments? Especially when those arguing are too drunk to remember it later?
To Rebut:
Well firstly, thanks for realizing the important difference between MOST arguments and MOST HEATED arguments. We are indeed looking at volume and not scale here. Really, in this day and age who the hell plays Twister anymore, except for the occasional 7-year olds in day care or jaded swingers trying to liven up their weekly orgy? Twister will soon join its compatriot Mystery Date in the snickered about games of yore.
Now, as for poker causing more arguments, I'm afraid I cannot agree. The combination of real money and booze does indeed increase the intensity of arguments, a la Twister. And I will also concede that poker causes more actual fights than Monopoly. But as for what game causes more mere arguments... well, I think the fact that the game we're arguing over right now is Monopoly right now speaks for itself.
Date: Thursday, September 7, 2000 5:17 AM
From: sten0040@(deleted)
Dear Sir,
While it is true that Monopoly brings out the absolute worst in some people leading to lots of friendship ending arguments, I believe that the board game that has caused the most arguments has to be chess.
Chess has been around since the 7th Century A.D. in one form or another and it's modern form has been around since the 1500s. Monopoly, on the other hand, only dates back to 1935. Even if chess caused many fewer arguments per year than Monopoly does, it would certainly have the advantage due to its much, much
longer history.
Those who do not know their history, are doomed to be proven wrong!
Adios.
To Rebut:
Nicely argued, my friend ...but! Chess is a game of strict rules and moves. There is no room for subjective interpretation. Chess has no "free parking" square where sometimes you get the money in the middle and sometimes people say no, it's just a neutral square where nothing happens. You can't wheel and deal in chess, selling off pieces to other people. You can't steal chess pieces when nobody's looking. Nobody bitches because they got the iron instead of the thimble. In short, there are NO arguments in chess! And 400 extra years existence times zero still equals zero!
So I'm sorry, those who do not know history are doomed to repeat a grade.
Date: Thursday, September 21, 2000 1:20 PM
From: cemorg@(deleted)
Gentlemen:
Once upon a time, I decided that it would be a good idea to play a game of
Asshole with my friends. For those of you who've been living under a rock,
Asshole's a drinking game. Nobody knows the rules because all of the
people involved are drunk. Anyone trying to teach you Asshole should be
ignored because he/she is drunk. People invariably argue about the rules
of Asshole because not only are they drunk and can't remember said rules,
but they learned the rules from ANOTHER drunk person, and so on and so
forth. But for some reason people always play Asshole...The last time my
friends and I tried a chair ended up getting thrown out the window after a
huge argument about whether aces were high or low (luckily the window was
open so we didn't get kicked out of the dorm because of broken glass).
Anyway:
A bit of disagreement is inherent in any game involving competition.
Alcohol makes people more likely to forget, mix up, and argue about things.
So argument would be inherent in anything that combines an aspect of
competition and lots of booze.
Like Asshole.
Anyhoo, what kind of tool drinks and plays Monopoly?
Conner
To Rebut:
Well, I have to admit any game plus alcohol causes more arguments. And possibly blood. So if the game is alcohol based to start with and countless games are happening on our college campuses nationwide, well, it looks like you have proved us wrong! Yup, I am willing to admit drinking games are the biggest argument causers. Although not between family members. I mean, I hope not. If you are playing drinking games with your parents, there's so much going wrong with your family that an argument over a game is the least of your worries.
So anyway, at your next meeting, you can stand up and proudly tell your AA buddies that you proved us wrong!
Date: Friday, September 29, 2000 6:20 PM
From: rhart@(deleted)
I have one word for you, ouija.
"He's moving it!"
"No, I'm not!"
"Stop moving it!"
"SHUT UP I'M NOT I SWEAR"
"MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!!"
To Rebut:
A chilling and grim minidrama, to be sure. Who would have ever thought that the same company that makes Hungry Hungry Hippos also makes a device that lets you TALK TO THE DEAD*. Personally, I think you should have to be over 18 to buy one of those things. Actually, I would prefer they be banned altogether. Necromancy is not for the casual hobbyist! Why doesn't the Christian Coalition speak out against these evil, evil contraptions?! Think of the children!!
On the plus side, they did pioneer the point 'n' click technology used in every computer mouse today*. But in keeping with my strong personal feelings about not dabbling in black magic, bargaining with Satan or dealing with creepy scary stuff that freaks me out, I am not going there. I am going to talk to the hand on this one. I am moving on to the next email while the moving on is good. You can burn in hell for using that thing if you want, but not me, pal, no way!
Date: Tuesday, October 3, 2000 2:05 AM
From: CBarnes@(deleted)
Dear Webmaster,
Actually, the most arguments are cause by Trivial Pursuit. The reason is
that about 1 to 2% of the answers printed on the cards were incorrect when
the was first marketed in the 80's. And when you consider that most people
have never bought updated card sets, the percentage has probably risen since
then . What with the re-jiggering of national borders playing havoc with
the geography category and the emergence of cloning making science & nature
a travesty. Almost every question in the stack about a world record is
obsolete. Combine this with the average American intellect and you have a
volatile mixture.
First, there are those who will insist that what is written on the card is
gospel. Most often these people also believe in a literal interpretation of
the bible and serve up burnt offerings to The Lord on a D.I.Y. altar in
their backyards. They will argue with you until the second coming despite
any corroborating alternative sources you might have. Because, if "the
card" says Deana Durbin sang the song "Animal Crackers in My Soup" then it
must be true because they wouldn't print LIES!
Then, there is the pool of people who think the game is "unfair". Why do
they think it is unfair? Because, they can't answer the simplest questions
to save their pathetic,
barely-graduated-high-school-and-chose-an-easy-major-graduating-with-a-C
asses! These people can be found easily. Ask them, "Where is Canada?"
Chances are they will answer, "That's like, near England, right?"
Finally, you have the school of "to-the-letter" players. Answers, including
correct pronunciation, must be exactly as written on the card. More often
than not these people will cut you slack on information that is obviously
out-of-date or incorrect. But, if you fail to say Francoise Miterand
without the requisite French accent, they will refuse to validate your
answer! Especially when trying to "answer out" at the end of the game.
Monopoly, on the other hand, is far more cut-and-dried. Land on someone
else's property, cough up the rent. Some families have variations or "house
rules" to augment the official rules of the game. But, as long as everyone
is clued in at the outset of the game then few problems develop. You may
have confused Monopoly with another game that involves money, rent, taxes
and jail which induces arguments called REAL LIFE!
Chairman Barnes
To Rebut:
Hey I remember Real Life, that's the game with Art Linkletter's picture on the money, right? Yeah, me and a bunch of pals got drunk playing that one time then caught this one guy cheating and the money got ripped and I don't think we ever finished. Good times, good times...
Oh right, the prove us wrong thing. Sorry. Um, Trivial Pursuit's recent popularity in the last two decades and its propensity to spawn what I term "micro-arguments" over individual questions has probably allowed the game to equal, if not surpass Monopoly in arguments caused. And if hasn't already, it's really only a matter of time, a couple years at most. So, I'm gonna be a big, big man and concede that you have indeed, in fact, proved us wrong! How 'bout that! Damn, I'm a big man.
Just remember that although this makes you a big man, I'm bigger for conceding it to you.
Okay, this prove us wrong was a trick proposition! Nobody plays Monopoly any more, it takes too long. The real game that causes the most arguments is, of course, the board game Sorry!, the game that lets you send your opponents pieces all the way back to start. I'm very disappointed in all of you, except for the drinking game guy who proved us wrong, the ouija person who creeped me out, the Trivial Pursuit person who also proved us wrong, the chess person who had a good line of attack and the Twister person, because it's fun to snicker and remember Twister. So thank you all for playing ...
Prove Us Wrong!
*This gag blatantly stolen from the standup of Jason Torchinsky
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