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Van Gogh-Goghs to Flee City
LOS ANGELES (True Crime Stories Magazine) Nov. 23, 2000 —Local sketch comedy group the Van Gogh-Goghs announced today they are fleeing the city of Los Angeles. At a brief press conference in the parking lot of their soon-to-be-abandoned offices, the group outlined their city-fleeing plans.
"Originally, we were just going to flee in our own cars, but then we decided it would be cooler and better to flee together in a rented van as we think they saw our license plates." said group member Jason Torchinsky. "But then we couldn't find a nice big 15-passenger van for rent with unlimited miles, so we had to rent two smaller vans."
"The unlimited miles thing is important since we're not exactly sure how far we plan on fleeing." said VGG member Alan Benson. "It depends on how much interstate police cooperation there is. We can't rule out Canada."
"We plan on being completely fled by Monday, noon at the latest." said Charles Rempel, the group's fleeing planner. "Assuming Jason [Torchinsky] doesn't oversleep like he did before. Some lookout."
The group's city-fleeing timetable has faced numerous setbacks since its inception. Coordinating vacation time from their various jobs proved daunting and delayed fleeing for several weeks, as did having to wait until group member T. Mike Childs was well enough to move. Disagreements on the method of transportation also caused further delay.
"Right after we had agreed to the two van plan, some idiot suggested we flee by boat," said Rempel. "The whole evening got wasted as everyone started talking in goofy pirate voices and making jokes about 'taking no prisoners.' No wonder everything went to hell the night of the caper."
"At one point we were gonna fly, but it was too expensive 'cause Rob [Terrell] took all the money with him," said Childs. "And Rob said we had to stay, because we had the most important job. He said he left us to hold the bag! Neat, hunh?!"
Rob Terrell, the group's mastermind, was not present at the press conference, having fled the country by plane a month earlier.
"Please don't tell anyone about this press conference," asked Childs. "And when you print the story about us, please put it in a section policemen don't read, like religion, or the classifieds."
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