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Van Gogh-Goghs Bid to Rename Bowl Game

LOS ANGELES (Disassociated Press - Dec. 13, 1999) -- Local sketch comedy group the Van Gogh-Goghs announced a bid to rename a college bowl game in a press conference at their cramped, threadbare office yesterday.

The Los Angeles-based group declared their desire to become a title sponsor of one of 1999's post-season college football matchups. As title sponsor, the group would be able to choose the name of their sponsored post-season game.

"Think of it: The Van Gogh-Gogh Peach Bowl. I'd watch that," said group member Charles Rempel. "Well, if truth be told, I'd watch any bowl game. But still, my point remains -- we are nice and should have a bowl."

The practice of renaming bowl games, which began in the early '90s, has yielded such memorable monikers as the CompUSA Citrus Bowl of 1997, the NAMBLA Copper Bowl of 1998, and the Hallmark/American Nazi Party Sugar Bowl of 1996.

The Van Gogh-Goghs' offer is hampered in one important way when compared to multimillion dollar packages offered by such other bowl sponsors as Insight, Micron PC, and HomePoint.com: money. The Van Gogh-Goghs' offer is only $984.00. Group member T. Mike Childs was quick to point out the offer also includes other, noncash items. "We're throwing in some stickers and a t-shirt." said Childs. "We only have extra extra extra larges left... but it should shrink some in the wash, though."

Member Galen Black added, "If I have to, I can throw my wife's coupon collection into the pot. That's easily over a hundred dollars of savings on quality, name-brand food things."

As a last resort, the six-man group has offered to "work off" any remainder of a deal by serving nachos at the bowl game itself.

"If you're like me, a patriotic American and not a godless Commie heathen who should die -- pfui! -- then you know that nachos are to football as sweat-stained t-shirts are to unsavory types hanging around outside a Denny's," said group member Alan Benson. "And the Van Gogh-Goghs are nice and should have a bowl."

Along with the promise of coupons, the group's offer comes with two caveats. Only nachos may be served at the game and they refuse to sponsor the Fiesta Bowl. "While the Van Gogh-Goghs are nice and should have a bowl, the Fiesta Bowl is such a goony name," said Van Gogh-Gogh Jason Torchinsky. "Ooh, look at me, I'm having a fiesta and watching football. Whee!"

Torchinsky then proceeded to mince back and forth while repeating the phrase "it's a fiesta, it's a fiesta, la la la la." His tone was exceptionally sarcastic.

The National Collegiate Athletic Association, the organization that oversees the bowls, has not yet responded to the group's offer. When contacted, officials repeatedly insisted "There is nothing goony about the Fiesta Bowl." NCAA officials also declined to comment on the Van Gogh-Goghs alleged niceness.

While the outlook for their bowl sponsorship looks unlikely, the Van Gogh-Goghs remain hopeful. If rejected, group members say they plan to simply repeat their offer louder until it is accepted.

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