Dear T. Mike,
I have long harbored a secret wish, but have long despaired of it ever coming true. In my darkest hour, I turn to you, my last hope. It may sound crazy, but please do not judge me. I have always dreamed, ever since I was a boy, to see a grown man walk down the street wearing two institutional-sized jugs of mayonnaise on his feet like shoes. Oh, how my heart sings at the very thought!
Please, T. Mike, I beg you, help me make my dream a beautiful reality.
Signed,
Gordon "Gordo" Pinestraw
Dear Gordon,
I'm here for you, friend. Fortunately for you, I happened to have two institutional-sized jugs of mayonnaisse around my swanky bachelor pad (they're great for picking up chicks). The only problem I found in making your wish come true is finding someone who had feet small enough to fit inside. After a quick measure of other people's feet, I found that one of the Van Gogh-Goghs would be the perfect candidate. Once I agreed to their fee (not mentioning their name or showing pictures of him in mayo shoes on the web), your wish quickly became a reality.
So, check out the pictures of Jason Torchinsky below, pal. I'm glad to help!
Sincerely,
T. Mike Childs
of the Van Gogh-Goghs
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