Fantasy drafts are a lot like drinking and boxing: the more rounds you go, the greater your chance of brain damage. Don\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t believe me? Well, maybe the Van Gogh-Goghs\u00e2\u20ac\u2122 Round Five selections can convince you.<\/p>\n
Galen Black selects Don Novello<\/strong><\/p>\n There\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s a very good chance that you have no idea who Don Novello is. I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122m sure, however, you have heard of his most famous character: Father Guido Sarducci.<\/p>\n Galen has his Weekend Update newscaster, Tina Fey, and two of the three women picked already. He\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s working on the Top Chick Gambit, and then instead of picking the strongest woman left, he goes after a one-trick pony.<\/p>\n And if you\u00e2\u20ac\u2122re going to draft Don Novello at all, why in the fifth round? There\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s Adam Sandler on the board, and Billy Crystal and Darrell Hammond and Jane Curtin and about thirty other performers who give your team more flexibility than Father Guido Sarducci.<\/p>\n Maybe Galen can add some insight. What say you, Mr. Black?<\/p>\n I chose Don Novello or more specifically I chose Father Guido Sarducci. Yes this man is a one trick pony, but what a trick. He was one of the earliest standout re-occurring characters and everyone loves the good father. Not a deep player, but solid in his position. I knew he wouldn’t last through the next two rounds and I wanted him. But I admit I jumped the gun here, especially with Billy Crystal, Harry Shearer, Adam Sandler, Joe Piscopo, and Christopher Guest still on the table.<\/p>\n –Galen Black<\/p>\n He knew Novello wouldn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t last through the next two rounds? Really? Did I misjudge the Van Gogh-Goghs that badly? I know Jason is capable of anything, but it looks like he righted his ship, so who would pick Don Novello before Galen at the end of the sixth round or beginning of the seventh. This is Galen\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s first misstep in the draft.<\/p>\n Charles Rempel selects Jane Curtin<\/strong><\/p>\n I picked Nora Dunn in the fourth round to block Galen, but Galen also blocked me by picking Jan Hooks in the third. I asked the guys if they wanted to allow trades between teams, but they all said that sounded like too much work. Oh, well, I guess it\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s time for the Sweeney Sisters to work on their solo projects.<\/p>\n I see a run on female cast members starting, so I better get the one I want now or risk losing her forever. That\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s why I select Jane Curtin, and as a performer, not a newscaster. Curtin is the best \u00e2\u20ac\u0153straight man\u00e2\u20ac\u009d in my cast now. She has an innate ability to set the mood and boundaries of a sketch and let the other actors break through them. Not that she can\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t be a wild and crazy girl, either; for example, I love the nuanced nuttiness of Mrs. Loobner, who can hold her own in the scenes with the spastic nerds played by Bill Murray and Gilda Radner.<\/p>\n I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122m really digging this team. I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122m getting my newscaster in the last round (and don\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t be surprised if I call the above name again), and I got my two super-sleeper picks in the eighth and ninth rounds (I can\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t elaborate any more; someone may be listening), so if I can get two top-notch men in the next rounds, I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122ll be bouncing off the walls<\/p>\n Rob Terrell selects Cheri Oteri<\/strong><\/p>\n Rob\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s first woman fits perfectly with his previous selections. It\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s almost as if they performed together for years in the same cast. Well, all of them but one. I look at this cast and I hear the song, \u00e2\u20ac\u0153One of these kids is not like the other\u00e2\u20ac\u00a6\u00e2\u20ac\u009d I can envision backstage of Rob\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s show, and Will Ferrell and Chris Kattan and Cheri Oteri are laughing and riffing and Chevy Chase is sitting on a couch, wondering what the hell a Fatboy Slim is.<\/p>\n Our grandparents would call Cheri Oteri a \u00e2\u20ac\u0153firecracker.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d She has energy to spunk to spare, and her characters give off a sweet wackiness that makes her a fan favorite (although a lot of her characters seem to be on the border on some mental deficiency). With Oteri joining Ferrell, the Cheerleaders are together and ready to rock, Spartan-style!<\/p>\n Alan Benson selects Harry Shearer<\/strong><\/p>\n I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122m not surprised that Harry Shearer has been picked. I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122m surprised it\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s this early.<\/p>\n Shearer had two tours of duty with SNL, and a lot better success in the second tour with Crystal and Short and Guest and Co. He\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s a master of impressions, so Alan\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s team does gain a lot of flexibility, and I can see him on Update with a commentary by Mike Wallace, which only strengthens the cast\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s Weekend Update. He\u00e2\u20ac\u2122ll make a good team with Dan Aykroyd. But with so many actors out there with a greater fan base, is it wise to snag Shearer in the fifth? We\u00e2\u20ac\u2122ll see.<\/p>\n Jason Torchinsky selects Sarah Silverman<\/strong><\/p>\n Jason is the biggest fucking idiot in this draft. Either that, or he just doesn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t give a shit about this. There is not one person in the world that can justify this pick. Even Sarah Silverman would say Jason\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s full of shit on this.<\/p>\n I was very explicit before the draft that only the time on Saturday Night Live matters in this contest. After Jason picked Chris Elliott in the second, we went over it again. So why would he pick a woman who did NOTHING on the show?!?<\/p>\n The New Yorker<\/em>, in a piece about Sarah Silverman, claims she only got one of her own sketches through to the dress rehearsal, and that it got cut before the live show. She was nothing but background, scenery, a woman to play someone\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s date. She was totally underused and underappreciated on the show, and we all know it, but the fact remains that she did nothing on the show, and thus CANNOT HELP JASON\u00e2\u20ac\u2122S CAST AT ALL.<\/p>\n Jason rationalized it by saying how hot she is and that his whole demographic probably has erections constantly after midnight; to back his \u00e2\u20ac\u0153theory,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d he sent via IM a bunch of sexy Sarah Silverman photos. Yes, I think she\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s attractive. Thank you for the photos. I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122m sure I can find some special use for them.<\/p>\n But Jason, you\u00e2\u20ac\u2122re an ass.<\/p>\n The Chris Elliott pick is still worse, but this is close. It\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s a shame Jason didn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t join us for the draft; I think he would have liked it.<\/p>\n T. Mike, wash this bitter taste out of my mouth, por favor.<\/p>\n T. Mike Childs selects Victoria Jackson<\/strong><\/p>\n Well, it\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s not the worst pick of the fifth round, that\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s for sure.<\/p>\n I never understood the appeal of Victoria Jackson. All her characters and impressions seemed the same. Am I wrong? Some people would say I am, and that\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s fine, it\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s a free country (at least for a couple more hours). Every year she came back to the cast, I just shook my head and wondered what I was missing. Maybe T. Mike can shed some light on this.<\/p>\n The Gospel According to T. Mike;<\/p>\n Round 5: I need a woman! A good one! And most on my ill-researched, all-too-short list are gone! The standout? Mainstay Victoria Jackson. I could have done better, but I haven\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t been watching much the last decade and couldn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t even tell you the names of the men, much less the women. Mistake one.<\/p>\n –T. Mike Childs<\/p>\n Now that\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s a ringing endorsement.<\/p>\n Round Five recap<\/strong><\/p>\n It was the Round of the Woman, with four female cast members selected (and three of them actually performed for Saturday Night Live!). Curtin and Oteri are solid picks, Jackson is a question mark, and the Silverman pick just makes me mad.<\/p>\n With half of the draft completed, you can get a good sense of each cast\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s strengths and weaknesses:<\/p>\n Galen: John Belushi, Gilda Radner, Jan Hooks, Tina Fey (news), and Don Novello.<\/strong><\/p>\n Galen has a great newscaster and two very talented women. His biggest weakness is on the men\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s side of the equation. Belushi can\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t do this alone. Look for Galen to start grabbing the biggest male stars left, people like Adam Sandler.<\/p>\n Charles: Eddie Murphy, Bill Murray, Jon Lovitz, Nora Dunn, and Jane Curtin.<\/strong><\/p>\n My performers are mucho talented, regardless of whether their genitalia are internal or external. I have yet to address my Weekend Update slot, and I could use a top-notch impersonator. I hope to pick Darrell Hammond in the sixth round, and then I should be in great shape.<\/p>\n Rob: Chevy Chase (news), Will Ferrell, Chris Kattan, Chevy Chase, and Cheri Oteri.<\/strong><\/p>\n Rob\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s in great shape, too. He\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s got one of the best news anchors, and two charismatic leading men. He\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s got great supporting players and a lot of characters to work with. He could use a good impersonator, too, and some ladies that complement Oteri. I sure hope Rob enlightens us about his scientific method, because so far it\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s working nicely.<\/p>\n Alan: Al Franken, Dennis Miller (news), Dan Aykroyd, Laraine Newman, and Harry Shearer.<\/strong><\/p>\n Alan has definitely built his team around Weekend Update. I could see this cast turning into a quasi-\u00e2\u20ac\u0153Daily Show\u00e2\u20ac\u009d if this trend continues. His desire to get the underappreciated together on one team may not be the best strategy, because if no one appreciated them on other casts, why would we appreciate them collectively. Alan needs some high-energy goofballs (I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122m talking actors, not drugs) to give his cast some life.<\/p>\n Jason: Phil Hartman, Chris Elliott, Chris Rock, Martin Short, and Sarah Silverman.<\/strong><\/p>\n If Jason\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s not going to spend any time drafting this cast, I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122m not going to waste my time reviewing it. Phil Hartman deserves better, dammit!<\/p>\n T. Mike: Mike Myers, Dana Carvey, Chris Farley, Norm MacDonald (news), and Victoria Jackson.<\/strong><\/p>\n T. Mike has a great anchor, solid male leads, and top-drawer impressions and characters. His weakness is women (it\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s funny because it\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s true). I think T. Mike needs to spend the next two picks getting the funniest ladies left.<\/p>\n Agree or disagree with this assessment? Who has the team to beat? Am I blind to my cast\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s deficiencies? Do you appreciate Alan\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s pack of lovable losers? Are you as pissed off with Jason\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s picks as I am? Drop us a comment. I know I sure am curious about what you think.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" Fantasy drafts are a lot like drinking and boxing: the more rounds you go, the greater your chance of brain damage. Don\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t believe me? Well, maybe the Van Gogh-Goghs\u00e2\u20ac\u2122 Round Five selections can convince you. Galen Black selects Don Novello There\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s a very good chance that you have no idea who Don Novello is. I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122m […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":false,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-47","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-update"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/paCRfe-L","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/vgg.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/47","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/vgg.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/vgg.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/vgg.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/vgg.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=47"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/vgg.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/47\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/vgg.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=47"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/vgg.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=47"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/vgg.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=47"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}