{"id":43,"date":"2006-10-01T12:00:01","date_gmt":"2006-10-01T16:00:01","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/vgg.com\/blog\/?p=43"},"modified":"2008-06-21T22:12:35","modified_gmt":"2008-06-22T02:12:35","slug":"the-fantasy-snl-league-draft-round-one","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/vgg.com\/blog\/?p=43","title":{"rendered":"The Fantasy SNL League Draft: Round One"},"content":{"rendered":"

The day of the draft is upon us. Well, factually, that\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s incorrect. We held the draft days ago. We\u00e2\u20ac\u2122re just now getting to post the round-by-round synopses. Every day this week, we here at vgg.com will post two rounds of the draft, with most of the analysis in the form of my thoughts (where me = Charles) during the draft, and added details given by the other Van Gogh-Goghs about their thoughts at the time. We could post all the rounds at one time, but (1) it would be way too long to read at one viewing, and (2) although we\u00e2\u20ac\u2122re comedians, we love the drama. It\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s that two-faced-Janus thing, you know, and if you learn but one thing about the Van Gogh-Goghs, it\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s that we\u00e2\u20ac\u2122re two-faced. Wait, that came out wrong.<\/p>\n

Without further ado, let\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s begin the Van Gogh-Gogh\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s Fantasy SNL League Draft! Galen Black, you\u00e2\u20ac\u2122re first to act.<\/p>\n

Galen Black selects John Belushi<\/strong><\/p>\n

I kept close tabs on Galen the week before the draft, trying to get him to tip his hand on who the #1 overall pick would be. Naturally, with the second overall pick, I was very curious who would fall my way. After a barrage of browbeating, I got him to narrow his choice to three people: Belushi, Eddie Murphy and Bill Murray. I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122m a Bill Murray fan, just like the next guy, but I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122d put Will Ferrell ahead of Murray (and in fact I did). That\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s just me, though. Anyway, Galen said he was going with his head and not his heart and he selected Belushi. A solid pick, to be sure, and very safe. You can\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t go wrong with a personality like Belushi, right?<\/p>\n

John Belushi (and we did make sure he meant John, not Jim) gives Galen a powerhouse personality and charismatic frontman. A strong go-to guy who is dedicated to his characters and his craft. In short, an excellent start to a cast. In the later rounds, I look for Galen to go for Dan Aykroyd (to get the Blues Brothers) and possibly Jim Belushi (to get the Belushi Brothers (you can never have too many brothers, right?)).<\/p>\n

Meanwhile, I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122d dancing a jig in the ballroom of my Fortress of Happy Happy, because\u00e2\u20ac\u00a6<\/p>\n

Charles Rempel selects Eddie Murphy<\/strong><\/p>\n

Let Galen take a samurai. I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122ll take the man who saved Saturday Night Live.<\/p>\n

The show was dead. Well, it was nearly dead, until Eddie Murphy stepped to center stage. Hell, if it weren\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t for Eddie Murphy, we wouldn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t be holding an SNL fantasy draft. Who would hold a draft for a show that only lasted six seasons? We would have ended up holding a \u00e2\u20ac\u01537th Heaven\u00e2\u20ac\u009d fantasy draft and we\u00e2\u20ac\u2122d all be fighting over Katie Holmes or Pierce Brosnan or whoever is on that show. Am I right?<\/p>\n

Eddie in his prime (and his prime was the SNL years and that\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s all we care about, you dig?) could make a turd-covered rock laugh. You know, because rocks are hard and no one, not even rocks, is happy when one is covered in turds\u00e2\u20ac\u00a6 okay, scratch that. Murphy is the star in this world of stars. A little Buckwheat, a little Mr. Robinson, a little Gumby (dammit), and you\u00e2\u20ac\u2122re laughing and laughing and just when you think you can\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t take any more, a little Stevie Wonder and a little Velvet Jones and a little James Brown Celebrity Hot Tub Party, and now you\u00e2\u20ac\u2122re laughing so hard you\u00e2\u20ac\u2122re wondering if the grocery store will deliver Depends adult diapers to your house, and then\u00e2\u20ac\u00a6<\/p>\n

Dark and lonely on a summer night
\nKill my landlord, kill my landlord
\nWatchdog barking\u00e2\u20ac\u00a6 do he bite?
\nKill my landlord, kill my landlord
\nSlip in his window, break his neck
\nThen his house I start to wreck
\nGot no reason\u00e2\u20ac\u00a6 what the heck?
\nKill my landlord, kill my landlord
\nC-I-L-L my landlord<\/p>\n

Do I need to say more?<\/p>\n

So here\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s the plan: I think there\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s a good chance that the other guys will let Will Ferrell slip to me in the second round, which would be sweet. I will try to get Joe Piscopo in a later round; Murphy and Piscopo have a great history together, they owned SNL in the early years, and so the cast would have a lot to work with. My secret play, though, is Tracy Morgan. I think Murphy and Morgan would be a great duo; I can see an \u00e2\u20ac\u0153urban\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Festrunk Brothers with those two. Don\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t tell anyone, though. That\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s my secret play. Let\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s not mention Morgan again until then, okay?<\/p>\n

But enough about me. Rob, you got something to say?<\/p>\n

Rob Terrell selects Chevy Chase (news anchor) <\/strong><\/p>\n

For days, Rob has been talking about using science to find the perfect SNL cast. When pressed, all he will say is his database will lead the way. I guess his database gives lots of credit to the Weekend Update desk. The Los Angeles Times\u00e2\u20ac\u2122<\/em> Scott Collins writes in his \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Channel Island\u00e2\u20ac\u009d blog about the declining value of Weekend Update in a Daily Show world<\/a>, and it\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s a convincing piece. With regards to this draft, I feel there are enough quality newscasters that I don\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t need to spend a high draft pick on one. Rob and his science, however, seem to disagree.<\/p>\n

If you have to get a newscaster in the first round, you might as well take the one that all others are measured against. Chevy Chase made the Weekend Update anchor chair his ticket to the big time, and became to first superstar of the Saturday Night Live era. Now just remember that Rob drafted Chase as newscaster, so he can\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t use him in sketches unless he drafts Chevy as an actor as well. As for what I look for Rob to do in the future rounds, I don\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t know. If he\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s building his cast around Update, he may pick people based on their commentaries, like Gilda Radner or Dan Aykroyd (although I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122d bet they would both be gone by his next pick).<\/p>\n

But it\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s early in the draft, and this is still a six-man competition. Anything can happen.<\/p>\n

Alan Benson selects Al Franken<\/strong><\/p>\n

I guess it\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s now a five-man competition.<\/p>\n

Al Franken? AL FRANKEN?!? Alan, you\u00e2\u20ac\u2122re telling us that Al Franken\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s the fourth best cast member of SNL? Or even that he\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s in the top ten? Wha\u00e2\u20ac\u00a6 how\u00e2\u20ac\u00a6 but\u00e2\u20ac\u00a6 uh\u00e2\u20ac\u00a6<\/p>\n

I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122m at a total loss to explain this. Let\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s ask Alan to tell us why Franken got the nod. Oh, Alan?<\/p>\n

Alan Explains It All: Round One<\/p>\n

A lot of people are going to be scratching their heads at this one. I mean, with all the great performers still available, why pick Franken? Think of all the great bits, all the memorable catchphrases that I passed over to throw in with Franken. I turned down “You Rook Mahvelous” and “Isn’t That Special” for “I declare the ’70s the Al Franken Decade” and “That’s why I wear the bow tie.” What the hell was I thinking, you’re thinking.<\/p>\n

There is a method to the madness. For me, SNL was never about the big recurring characters. Sure, I loved Tommy Flanagan, the Land Shark, Church Lady, and the Sweeney Sisters as much as the next guy. OK, not the Sweeney Sisters. But my point remains: I liked the popular characters, too. But as it says quite clearly in the Bible (Zephredes 21:19, I believe), “Man cannot live by catchphrase alone. It is only through minor characters he will achieve true viewing satisfaction.”<\/p>\n

And so, for my picks, I chose a crew of lesser-known talents. Some of these folks went on to bigger and better things. Others peaked on SNL. But all of them served a vital purpose in a 90-minute show: they gave us something to look at while we waited for Weekend Update.<\/p>\n

(Charles…please edit out that last bit when you put this online. Make it more inspirational. Something like “in their also-ran-ness, they taught us the true meaning of Christmas,” or some shit like that. Anything to explain away the pile of dead wood I picked.)<\/p>\n

My desire to spotlight these unsung heroes led me to choose one of the least-recognized talents in SNL history. Al Franken and his partner Tom Davis were primarily writers on the show. (In fact, since they were hired for one spot, they had to share a single chair and desk.) When Al acted, it was usually as a bit character. He had a few big roles, but mainly he was the guy who only walked on stage to say “sir, ma’am, your table is ready.” He was me, in other words. A shorter, Jewisher, funnier, much more successful, much more likable, much more handsome…hold on, I have to call my therapist.<\/p>\n

OK, I’m back. I chose Al Franken largely because of his Weekend Update pieces, which were smart, funny, and not based on a single personality trait or characteristic done ad nauseum (Sandler, I’m looking at you!). I mean, that kind of repetitive humor is funny, but wouldn’t you rather have comedy that makes you laugh…and think?<\/p>\n

No, of course not. Which is why Al Franken is captain of my underappreciated SNL squad. And that’s why I chose him in round one.<\/p>\n

–Alan Benson<\/p>\n

I guess we\u00e2\u20ac\u2122ll see if Stuart Smalley saves the cast, huh, Alan? If nothing else, this pick has made this draft a lot more relaxing for the rest of us. We can\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t screw up THIS bad, right? Maybe I should wait and ask that question later. As for later rounds for Alan, it\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s anyone\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s guess, but I could see him going for Janeane Garofalo, just to grab the coveted Air America radio audience. That and I think he had a crush on Garofalo.<\/p>\n

Jason Torchinsky selects Phil Hartman<\/strong><\/p>\n

I love this pick. Love it.<\/p>\n

Phil Hartman was the glue that kept SNL together. He was the cast member everyone loves and respected and wanted to work with. He performed the same whether the role was the lead or a throwaway; he put everything he could into every character, every impression, every second of screen time. Right now, I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122m thinking of the \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Sinatra Group\u00e2\u20ac\u009d sketch and laughing about the \u00e2\u20ac\u0153chunks of guys like you in my stool\u00e2\u20ac\u009d line. I think that every Van Gogh-Gogh would give one of T. Mike\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s kidneys to have the talent that Phil Hartman had. Heck, I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122d give both of T. Mike\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s kidneys. But that\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s just me. I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122m a giver.<\/p>\n

Plus, I bet Galen $5 that Hartman would be picked in the first round. Paging Mr. Lincoln, your table is ready at Chez My Wallet!<\/p>\n

Where does Jason go from here? Since he has possibly the most versatile cast member, he has a lot of great options available. If I were Jason, I would try to claim Darrell Hammond in middle round; that would prevent every other cast from performing Bill Clinton impersonations.<\/p>\n

T. Mike Childs selects Mike Myers<\/strong><\/p>\n

Another great pick. Mike Myers is one of the best at SNL at creating hit characters. Wayne Campbell alone would make a nice career, but add Dieter and Linda Richman and Lothar and Lank Thompson and the Scottish crap guy and Da Bears guy and that hyper hypo kid, and you have sketch comedy gold. Now that I think about it, I think a case could be made for Myers to be the #1 overall pick. T. Mike has to be happy with getting Myers.<\/p>\n

The obvious play would be to select Dana Carvey right now (since T. Mike has the first pick in the second round) and secure the \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Wayne\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s World\u00e2\u20ac\u009d franchise, but it\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s hard to predict Mr. Childs. Galen\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s convinced that T. Mike will go for original cast members next. We\u00e2\u20ac\u2122ll see.<\/p>\n

Round One recap<\/strong><\/p>\n

I thought we\u00e2\u20ac\u2122d have one surprise in the first round and, in my mind, we got two. Belushi, Murphy, Hartman and Myers were predictable picks for the first round; the four of them would be stars on SNL no matter which cast they were on. I thought Chevy Chase as a newscaster was a little early, but that may be an undervaluing of Weekend Update on my part. Al Franken still blows my mind. A lot of great talent (Aykroyd, Radner, Murray, Carvey, and Ferrell) is still on the board. I predict those are the next five to go. As for who has the upper hand right now, it\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s too hard to say. Let\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s save that judgment until after the second round, which is coming up next.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

The day of the draft is upon us. Well, factually, that\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s incorrect. We held the draft days ago. We\u00e2\u20ac\u2122re just now getting to post the round-by-round synopses. Every day this week, we here at vgg.com will post two rounds of the draft, with most of the analysis in the form of my thoughts (where me […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":false,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-43","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-update"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/paCRfe-H","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/vgg.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/43","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/vgg.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/vgg.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/vgg.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/vgg.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=43"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/vgg.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/43\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/vgg.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=43"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/vgg.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=43"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/vgg.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=43"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}