{"id":154,"date":"2010-06-04T10:47:42","date_gmt":"2010-06-04T14:47:42","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/vgg.com\/blog\/?p=154"},"modified":"2010-06-04T10:47:42","modified_gmt":"2010-06-04T14:47:42","slug":"the-bp-oil-leak-disaster-movie","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/vgg.com\/blog\/?p=154","title":{"rendered":"The BP Oil Leak Disaster Movie!"},"content":{"rendered":"

The BP Oil Leak Disaster rages on, spurting bajillions of toxic oil into the Gulf! Several goofily-named attempts to seal it have failed. Now what?! Like all good disaster<\/a> movies<\/a>, the solution to the oil spill might be to blow up the problem with a nuclear bomb<\/a>:<\/p>\n

First, however, BP needs to assemble a ragtag bunch of losers, oldsters, and rebels into a lean, mean, oil-well-nukin’ machine.
\n
\n\"harrison<\/a>Harrison Ford as the grizzled veteran oil man who retired in shame after a similar accident ten years ago!<\/p>\n

<\/br>
\n\"shia<\/a>Shia Lebeouf as the newbie looking to prove himself!<\/p>\n

<\/br>
\n\"We<\/a>Max Wright as the evil bureaucrat!<\/p>\n

<\/br>
\n\"I'm<\/a>Owen Wilson as the computer expert!<\/p>\n

<\/br><\/p>\n

\"Best<\/a>Sean Connery as the wheelchair-bound marine biologist! (His character is cajun, but doesn’t bother to change his accent.)<\/p>\n

\"Frogs<\/a>G\u00c3\u00a9rard Depardieu as the French cork expert brought in against the team’s wishes!<\/p>\n

\"Looking<\/a>Justin Bieber as the stowaway!<\/p>\n

\"Is<\/a>Megan Fox or any other interchangeable young actress as the eye candy\/”love interest” (in quotes because, let’s face it, these flicks are all about the love that dare not speak its name)!<\/p>\n

\"Stan<\/a>Stan Lee as the obligatory cameo!<\/p>\n

This movie practically makes itself! We can see it now…just before the big climax, this bit of dialogue from the article plays out:<\/p>\n

“Probably the only thing we can do is create a weapon system and send it down 18,000 feet and detonate it, hopefully encasing the oil,” Matt Simmons, a Houston energy expert and investment banker, told Bloomberg News on Friday, attributing the nuclear idea to “all the best scientists.” Or as CNN reporter John Roberts suggested last week, “Drill a hole, drop a nuke in and seal up the well.”<\/p>\n

Hollywood, we await your call.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

The BP Oil Leak Disaster rages on, spurting bajillions of toxic oil into the Gulf! Several goofily-named attempts to seal it have failed. Now what?! Like all good disaster movies, the solution to the oil spill might be to blow up the problem with a nuclear bomb: First, however, BP needs to assemble a ragtag […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":4,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":false,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[11,8,83],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-154","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-etc","category-news","category-parody"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/paCRfe-2u","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/vgg.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/154","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/vgg.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/vgg.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/vgg.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/4"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/vgg.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=154"}],"version-history":[{"count":14,"href":"https:\/\/vgg.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/154\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":177,"href":"https:\/\/vgg.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/154\/revisions\/177"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/vgg.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=154"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/vgg.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=154"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/vgg.com\/blog\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=154"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}