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Throw your vote away with...
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The M*A*S*H Party (TMP)
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Click here to see the profiles of the losers and analysis of the primary.
ANALYSIS:
When it comes the M*A*S*H Party (TMP), the big question is: what happened? How did a lunatic fringe third party candidacy come from behind to achieve such an unexpected victory? It seems like a replay of the famous 1960 Kennedy/Nixon election, or the 1989 movie "Major League." Somehow the M*A*S*HERS reached out and grabbed the big brass home run ball and ran it into the end zone with only seconds left on the shot clock.
Superior organization. Relentless campaigning. The female vice president thing. The Robbins drawing away Ford votes thing. The psyches of millions of Gen Xers marching in a nostalgia-induced M*A*S*H goosestep thing. None of these quite answer the question: How?
How? We'll tell you how. Massive voter fraud, that's how! Van Gogh-Gogh Votemaster Rob Terrell found hard evidence showing someone used an automated "script" that used all available connections to the VGG server to continuously vote for Alda. The Van Gogh-Goghs decided to prosecute the offender to the full extent of the law. However, Internet movie president election fraud laws clearly state that laws governing fraud in the elections of movie presidents, via the Internet, do not exist. At all. So Terrell banned the IP address in question for almost a full two hours, then got bored, unbanned it and took a nap. When woken, he threatened to take the whole site down and mumbled, "who cares about all this goofy movie prez crap anyway."
Prophetic words. Prophetic words indeed.
Alan Alda
Born Alphonso D'Abruzzo on 28 January 1936, New York, New York, USA 6' 2"
Presidential Qualifications: Played unnamed U.S. President in Canadian Bacon.
Governance
Weakness: Almost got us into a war with Canada. (Canadian Bacon)
Strength: Almost got us into a war with Canada! (Canadian Bacon)
Military Experience
Strength: Veteran of the Korean War, rank of Captain. Served for 11 years (seven years past the war's end) ( M*A*S*H* 1972-1983)
Weakness: Possible mental instability from stress in service - went nuts near end of the war and ended up in a psychiatric hospital.
Science and Healthcare
Strength: Pro-science (host of PBS series Scientific American Frontiers)
Weakness: this incriminating photo.
Crime and Justice
Strength: Helped Woody Allen and Diane Keaton solve a murder. (Manhattan Murder Mystery)
Family Values
Weakness: Carried on an affair with a married woman for years. (Same Time, Next Year)
Personal
Weakness: Suffering from Alzheimer's; voluntarily retired from surgery (ER)
Weakness: Last name ends in a vowel, may be too "ethnic" for mainstream America.
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Loretta Swit
Born 4 November 1937, Passaic, New Jersey, USA
Presidential Qualifications: Played U.S. President Barbara Adams in Whoops Apocalypse
Military Experience
Strength: Eleven years service in Korean War, rank of Major (M*A*S*H*)
Weakness: Service nickname was "Hot Lips." Might come back to haunt her.
Family Values
Weakness: Had an affair with a married man (Frank Burns) while in service (M*A*S*H*)
Crime and Justice
Weakness: Wife of criminal (Freebie and the Bean)
Strength: Police detective (Cagney & Lacey 1981 TV movie)
Personal
Weakness: Was a Match Game regular
Strength: Had a guest appearance on the Muppet Show
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