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by Jason Torchinsky
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I'm an idea man. I am constantly putting forth a stream of ideas. About 94% of these ideas are really lousy ones, and the other 5% someone else has already thought of. And the remaining 1% are just ideas about where I want to go eat.
Sometimes, the eating ones meld into even worse ideas, often for businesses. Such as my alien-food restaurant, inedible restaurant, and my most recent really lousy restaurant idea, which I actually took so far as commissioning the following advertisement materials: |
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Introducing TJ McSteakalot's Steakless Steakhouse
and Steak-Free Steakery! |
Don't have a craving for the thickest, tenderest, juiciest steaks in town? Or maybe you are at a total loss for any desire for a nice, juicy Prime New York Sirloin Steak Sandwich? No interest in delicious, cooked-to-perfection ribeye steak tips? Then come on down to TJ McSteakalot's Steakless Steakhouse and Steak-Free Steakery and find yourself completely sheltered from anything steak!
Yes, each and every trip down to your local TJ McSteakalot's Steakless Steakhouse and Steak-Free Steakery is a trip free of any encounter with steak, from delicious thick Porterhouse steaks to a classic T-Bone, you won't find any steaks, served hot and fresh, cooked exactly the way you like 'em. Plus, in the highly unlikely event that you are actually served a steak (God forbid!) at TJ McSteakalot's Steakless Steakhouse and Steak-Free Steakery, your entire meal is absolutely FREE as is the next steak you won't get at TJ McSteakalot's Steakless Steakhouse and Steak-Free Steakery.
Plus, frequent visitors to TJ McSteakalot's Steakless Steakhouse and Steak-Free Steakery get a SteakCard making them part of TJ's Steak Non-Lovers Club! When you get five (5) Steakstamps on your SteakCard, the next time you present it at a TJ McSteakalot's Steakless Steakhouse and Steak-Free Steakery you will get NO STEAK absolutely FREE!
Next time you're at TJ McSteakalot's Steakless Steakhouse and Steak-Free Steakery why not take a bit of TJ home? How? How about with a nice big bottle of TJ McSteakalot's own Not-For-Steaks Steak Sauce! It's guaranteed to make the next steak you don't eat a culinary non-event to not remember! Or how about curling up with TJ's own cookbook, TJ's 75 Ways to Not Cook Steak! And, yes, it doesn't include his nonexistent recipe for Prime Rib!
So why not head out right now and not let any delicious, tender steak melt in your mouth! Because the best way to not enjoy any steak at all is at TJ McSteakalot's Steakless Steakhouse and Steak-Free Steakery.
TJ McSteakalot's Steakless Steakhouse and Steak-Free Steakery.
We won't put one on the grill for ya!©
See, I'm kind of an idiot.
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