">

On July 2, 1947 SOMETHING landed in Roswell, New Mexico. What, precisely, has been a matter of tense, speculative wheel-spinning for generations of people who really need to get out more. Musically, however, it's an excuse for this week's science-fiction-related song! Bobby Goldsboro, one of the ugliest people to ever have a hit in the 1960s, recorded the insane post-apocalyptic song "The World Beyond," (from his 1968 Word Pictures album) where Grandpa reminisces to junior about fantastic things that no longer exist, like trees.

Download (3.9MB / 2:23)

The fine print: All downloads are provided for entertainment purposes only. VGG.COM blah blah blah blah blah blah nobody reads this blah blah blah blah are you being probed? blah blah blah space misbehavin' .

NEXT WEEK ... Junkyard grab bag of crazy quilt miscellanous smorgasbord !
*The environmentally conscious 70s song by TommyNations "Whatcha Gonna Do When The Onzone Goes."

*Mr. Rogers' "Troll Talk." Yes, THE Misterrogers.

*Great terrible swingin' cocktail jazz song-poem: "The Golf Song" by Ralph Lowe.

Use the comments button to cast your VOTE NOW!

Posted by Theo at 03:49 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Today we celebrate the June 28, 1969, anniversary of The Stonewall Riots, a milestone in gay rights. And what better way than with "Rubber Duckie" by the very out Larry Paulette, from his 1977 album What Makes a Man a Man? Here we can trace the "Bert and Ernie are gay" meme back several decades with the sexiest, most sensual version of this Sesame Street classic ever.

Download (3.3MB / 2:07)

The fine print: All downloads are provided for entertainment purposes only. VGG.COM blah blah blah blah blah blah nobody reads this blah blah blah blah thick meaty cocks blah blah blah.

NEXT WEEK ... On June 2, 1947 SOMETHING landed in Roswell, New Mexico. What, precisely, has been a matter of tense, speculative wheel-spinning for generations of people who really need to get out more. Musically, however, it's an excuse for some science-fiction-related songs!

*"Men from Mars" by Ferrante & Teicher, on their 1955 album Soundproof. Typically this piano duo wasted our time covering popular 1960s movie themes. But once upon a time, they had a little fun in the studio speeding up and slowing down their pianos, and cut this little instrumental gem.

*Bobby Goldsboro, one of the ugliest people to ever have a hit in the 1960s, recorded the insane post-apocalyptic song "The World Beyond," (from his 1968 Word Pictures album) where Grandpa reminisces to junior about fantastic things that no longer exist, like trees.

*I can't stop seem to keep pushing Up With People on YOU people. Here let's try "Earth Ship" from 1979, where they sing about how in that futuristic year 2000, we'll be dancing to disco under the sea.

Use the comments button to cast your VOTE NOW!

Posted by Theo at 09:38 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Sir Paul McCartney has a new album, and as the critics have done several times in the last several decades, they are lauding it as not as crappy as some of his previous albums. Also, it's his birthday. So to honor and celebrate him, we were going to have "Yesterday" as interpreted by Fascinatin' Fred Burnett on the steel drums. But I can't find his album in my collection! I assume one of you stole it, and am calling the police. In the meantime, here's an alternate from 1987, the parody group The Swinging Erudites with "The Paul McCartney Massacre."

Download (7.6/ 4:40)

The fine print: All downloads are provided for entertainment purposes only. VGG.COM blah blah blah blah blah blah nobody reads this blah blah blah blah ipso lorem fnord blah blah blah.

NEXT WEEK ... We celebrate the June 28, 1969, anniversary of The Stonewall Riots, a milestone in the gay rights movement. So we're going to gay up the choices, big time:

*Something off the lesbian, lesbian, lesbian, 1970s album Honor Thy Womanself - Songs of Liberation by the Arlington Street Women's Caucus. (Snicker. "Caucus" tee hee hee. "Cauc-us" tee hee hee chortle snicker snort. "CAUC-us" HA HAH HA HA HA!!! Oh dear God we're shallow.)

*"Rubber Duckie" by the very out Larry Paulette, from his 1977 album What Makes a Man a Man? Trace the "Bert & Ernie are gay" meme back several decades with the sexiest, most sensual version of this Sesame Street classic ever. Look, just vote for this one, trust me.

*And... representing the opposite side of the coin, "You Can't Live Crooked and Think Straight" by Up With People.

Use the comments button to cast your VOTE NOW!

Posted by Theo at 10:45 AM | Permalink | Comments (1)

Apropos of nothing, this week's (sorry about missing last week, won't happen again, honest) track is Kelly, the talking parakeet! Most of Kelly's 1978 album How to Have a Bird that TALKS is merely repeated phrases you play to your bird so they can learn to repeat them, thus annoying and irritating visitors. But the first track is the hook- check out what this bird can do! If you listen to it without thinking it's a bird, it's the creepiest thing ever.

Download (6.9MB / 4:13)

NEXT WEEK ... is Paul McCartney's birthday, sorry, SIR Paul McCartney's birthday. In his honor, here are some weird Beatles covers for you to vote on:

* "Yesterday" by Fascinatin' Fred Burnett. What's so fascinatin'? Steel drums! The sound of the islands! Or in this case, the sound of the hotel dining room entertainment in the islands.
* "Hey Jude and Julia" - Old school mashup, sorta. Up With People wannabes The New Hope figured out a way to sing both songs at the same time and make them sort of fit together, even though they have nothing to do with each other. Cough.
* "Fool on the Hill" - Marching Band Style!!! By the 1968-1969 Ohio University Marching band. They also do a "Best of the Beatles" medley. Nothing expresses the individualism of the 1960s better than dozens of young musicians in uniforms marching in lockstep!

Use the comments link to cast your vote NOW!!!

Posted by Theo at 09:55 PM | Permalink | Comments (2)

Memorial Day. The day we we stop and take a day to honor our soldier heroes who nobly serve our country with low, low sale prices on tires, or perhaps mattresses. We are honoring them instead with the 1965 track "Freedom Isn't Free" by Up With People. John Wayne f*cking loves it. And now, so do you.

Download (3.9MB / 2:26)

NEXT WEEK: Uh. I'll get back to you.

Posted by Theo at 12:03 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Celebrity Mr. T is a minor miracle. He has transcended his tragicomic status (first fool-pitying, then cancer) to become a pop-culture icon. But to be able to transcend tragicomic status, first you must be tragicomic. No single aspect of Mr. T's career better embodies that than his 1984 album, Mr. T's Commandments. Why? Because Mr. T can't sing, and has no rhythm. Seriously, ya gotta love the guy, but an unbalanced washing machine has a better sense of rhythm than Mr. T. His album is hilarious as he attempts to rap and sing. But you're not gonna get to hear it. Why? Because no one voted, so we are going to have to punish you all. Instead of Mr. T, you're getting Valerie Landsburg singing "Try," from Mr. T's hilarious TV special, Be Somebody Or Be Somebody's Fool. It's bad. And not good-bad, either. Just bad. Listen, suffer, and next time, VOTE!!!

Download (6.8MB / 4:10)

NEXT WEEK: For no reason, our theme is VIETNAM! Maybe you can use your imaginations, and think of some crazy thing Vietnam might currently be a metaphor of.
* The weird spoken word poem "I Have Died In Vietnam" from 1976.

*Something by Colonel Kilgore's Vietnamese Formation Surf Team.

*"Vietnam Will Win" - A pro-commie Vietnam war epic by The Red Star Singers, an honest-to-gosh Commie folk/choir group. From their 1974 album The Force of Life. I'd call this song prophetic, but calling a Vietnam War winner in 1974 is pretty damn late in the game.

Use the comments button to VOTE NOW!!!!

Posted by Theo at 11:41 PM | Permalink | Comments (2)

From the 1959 spoken word record, Secrets that Make Star Salesman Tick!, "Certified Professional Salesman" Jack Lacy understands that a spoonfull of humor helps the sales lessons go down. So he packs his monologue with jokes. Jokes full of terrible ethnic stereotypes. This is the worst, a joke insulting to both Hitler and jews simultaneously. An important technique that all star salesmen should know!

Download (4.2MB / 2:35)

The fine print: All downloads are provided for entertainment purposes only. VGG.COM says downloaded MP3 files are ony for closers!

Next week is Mr. T's birthday! In his honor, we will pity fools and you will vote on which Mr. T track you want:
*"Mr. T's Commandment"
*"Don't Talk to Strangers"
*"The Toughest Man In The World"
*"Mr. T, Mr. T (He Was Made for Love)"
*"The One And Only Mr. T"
*"No Dope No Drugs"
*"You Got to Go Through It"

Use the comments button to VOTE NOW!

Posted by Theo at 09:33 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

From the Van Gogh-Gogh vinyl vaults comes this bacon-wrapped nugget: Horror-meister Vincent Price slumming for Nelson Industries on the 1977 album Vincent Price International Cooking Course - Bounty of Paradise. Here, his rich, mellifluous voice dives into the South Seas and comes up with this pearl, his recipe for rumaki. No, I cannot explain it beyond the Van Gogh-Goghs standard explanation for why talented people do things seemingly beneath them: Brother needed a check! I'm pretty sure most of Hollywood operates on this gold-plated principle. Anyway, there are chicken livers in rumaki but listen to Vincent and don't be squeamish!

Download (7.3MB / 4:37)

The fine print: All downloads are provided for entertainment purposes only. VGG.COM does not support selling out, but damn we sure need a check.

Next Week: VOTE NOW

*Famous jew Mel Brooks RAPPING, yes, you heard me, rapping - wait it gets even better- rapping "The Hitler Rap," a novelty number he did inspired by his own 1983 film To Be Or Not To Be

*On the 1959 spoken word album Secrets that Make Star Salesmen Tick, "Certified Professional Salesman" Jack Lacy lectures a crowd on how to be a better salesman, then randomly and apropros of nothing goes off into a totally unrelated joke about Hitler and jews that manages to be both anti-Hitler and anti-Semitic at the same time, a truly great accomplishment all star salesmen should know.

*'I Got Rhythm," the famous song by famous Jewish composer George Gershwin, interpreted here by slightly lesser known jew Gershon Kingsley on the Moog synthesizer.

Use the comments button to VOTE now!

Posted by Theo at 08:33 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

MAY DAY! All da comrades in the house throw your hands in the air from each according to their ability to each according to their need, like you just don't care! Here's this week's track: "Disco Communist" from the 1979 North Carolina compilation album Carolina Tracks Take One, put out by radio station WROQ Q95. Whereas The Dead Kennedys once equated disco with fascism (in "Saturday Night Holocaust"), this local novelty instead equates disco with communism! What "ism" does disco most make YOU think of?!

Download (6.3MB / 3:52)

The fine print: All downloads are provided for entertainment purposes only. VGG.COM does not necessarily support communism, or fascism.

Next Week: VOTE NOW

*Instructions on how to operate your CB radio, good buddy!

*The creepiest talking parakeet, ever.

*Famous horror actor Vincent Price giving you his recipe for rumaki.

Use the comments button to VOTE now!

Posted by Theo at 10:29 AM | Permalink | Comments (1)

Hey hey hey we're back on a new server, and we accidentally lost an installation of MP3 Monday. Doh! So first off, here's the track from last time, "Beware of the Blob" from the 1958 film The Blob, starring Steve McQueen:

Download (4.2 MB / 2:34)

The fine print: All downloads are provided for entertainment purposes only. VGG.COM does not support alien blobs from outer space coming to our planet and taking jobs away from our hard-working native-born monsters.

Next Week: VOTE NOW

*"Disco Communist" - Totally obscure novelty track by the Charlotte, North Carolina band SemiNot. Remember disco? Of course not, you baby-faced teen. But if you did, then you also remember the anti-disco backlash! Here's a cultural artifact pushing the disco/communism connection. A personal fave.

*"Vietnam Will Win" - A pro-commie Vietnam war epic by The Red Star Singers, an honest-to-gosh Commie folk/choir group. From their 1974 album The Force of Life. I'd call this song prophetic, but calling a Vietnam War winner in 1974 is pretty damn late in the game.

*"Governor Sargent's Racist Cutbacks Blues" - From an early 1970s album by the ragingly communist Progressive Labor Party, this track is apparently about then-Massachusettes Governor Francis W. Sargent. Why am I including a song with such dated, specific references? Probably because it's to the tune of the famous Chuck Berry oldie "Memphis, Tennesee."

Use the comments button to VOTE now!

Posted by Theo at 09:44 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

All the votes are in (barring Guam, and some more rural counties) and the winner of the grand MP3 Monday election for President's Day is: "Van Buren" - An anti-Van Buren song from the 1964 LIFE magazine album Sing Along With Millard Fillmore, featuring their recordings of real campaign songs throughout the decades. From the 1840 election, this song is a one big eff you to Martin Van Buren from Willam Henry Harrison and the Whig party.

Download (1.8 MB / 1:08)

Next Week: VOTE NOW

*"If You Love Me Baby Tell Me Loud" - From Mel Brooks' High Anxiety (1977). This is a hilarious "rock" song- well, what old squares thought loud, noxious rock music sounded like.

*"Beware The Blob" - The 1958 horror movie The Blob starts off on the wrong foot, with a bouncy, catchy title song composed by... Burt Bacharach?!

*"Skeet Surfing" - From Top Secret! (1984), Val Kilmer's first starring role is 50s singer Nick Rivers in this send-up of Elvis movies, spy films, war films, Blue Lagoon, and hell, everything. Here Nick sings about the hot fad of shooting skeet WHILE surfing in this Beach Boys parody.

Use the comments button to VOTE now!

Posted by Theo at 05:59 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)

You, the great Internet-surfing public, have, in our great democratic tradition, voted for the MP3 for today, Abe Lincoln's birthday! And here it is, comedian Bob Newhart's early live standup of "Abraham Lincoln Versus Madison Avenue," from the 1960 album The Button-Down Mind of Bob Newhart. Enjoy listening to it as you blow out the candles on the stovepipe hat:

Download.

The fine print: All downloads are provided for entertainment purposes only. VGG.COM apologizes for the poor audio quality of the MP3 file. It was taken from a poorly maintained vinyl LP. If you don't like it, feel free to buy us a CD copy of The Button-Down Mind of Bob Newhart and mail it to us. Cause that would be awesome.

Next Week: VOTE NOW

*"Rappin' Reagan" - Doonesbury cartoonist Garry Trudeau cooked this up for his 1984 musical revue Rap Master Ronnie.

*"Jimmy Carter Says Yes" - A great/terrible "song poem" from the 1970s.

*"Van Buren" - An anti-Van Buren song from the 1964 LIFE magazine album Sing Along With Millard Fillmore, featuring their recordings of real campaign songs. Van Buren totally gets ripped a new one in the song.

Posted by Theo at 05:17 PM | Permalink | Comments (2)

You, the great Internet-surfing public, have voted for this Monday's Superbowl Special version of MP3 Monday!!! The winner is: "Let's Ram It!" by the 1986 Los Angeles Rams! Enjoy!!!

Download (5:15 / 8.5 MB)

The fine print: All downloads are provided for entertainment purposes only. VGG.COM does not have the express written permission from the NFL commissioner to post this MP3. VGG.COM not responsible for the poor rapping abillity of professional football players.

Next Week: VOTE NOW

Posted by Theo at 06:55 AM | Permalink | Comments (2)

MP3 Monday SuperBowl Special

You have the opportunity to vote on next Monday's Superbowl Special version of MP3 Monday!!! Use the comments to cast your vote for "The Super Bowl Shuffle" by the 1985 Chicago Bears, or "Let's Ram It!" by the 1986 Los Angeles Rams! And just to make things interesting, if we enough votes total, we will put up BOTH of them! Shoot, if we get more than that, we'll even throw in NFL legend Rosy Grier singing "It's Alright to Cry."

VOTE NOW!!!

Posted by Theo at 11:40 AM | Permalink | Comments (5)

Today's installment of MP3 Monday is all about the dinosaurs, and no, not that weird live action Henson muppet show, and no not about Was (Not Was) walking them. No, we're going back before even Jurassic Park II, to a 1978 kid's record called Our Dinosaur Friends- for the Early Years. First off, um, I hate to tell you children this, but dinosaurs aren't really your friends. They are only pretending so they can eat you later. Second, Tyrannosaurus is the scary king of the dinosaurs, and it's good to be the king! The only thing scarier than Tyrannosaurus Rex ? Imagine Tyrannosaurus Rex voiced by Thurl Ravenscroft, or someone trying to imitate him. Still not scary enough? Oh yeah? Well, what if that same T. Rex was, say, Asian?! Listen to the track "TyrannosaurusRex" - now you're scared!

Download (2:36 / 4.2 MB)

What the hey, here's the WHOLE danged album (well, side 1):

Download (23.3 MB)

The fine print: All downloads are provided for entertainment purposes only. VGG.COM not responsible for any disemboweling, mauling, decapitation, loss of limb(s), or being eaten from listening to mp3s.

Next Week: Uh, I dunno. Something involving... chickens? Sure. Chickens.

Posted by Theo at 08:46 AM | Permalink | Comments (23)

MP3 Monday is celebrating pop singer Neil Diamond's birthday this week (January 24th). With a long recording career, the "Jewish Elvis" as he was called, has had many, many hits. But right now we're going to focus on some of the ...um.... lower points in his oevre. In this special edition, we're featuring not one, but three songs, making this MP3x3 Monday! "The Pot Smoker's Song" is from his 1968 album with the tragic title Velvet Gloves and Spit. Not so much a song, really, as an extended PSA featuring the spoken words of REAL, LIVE drug addicts about the dangers of yes, marijuana, as a gateway drug to other, harder things. Actual quote from one of the, remember, ACTUAL, REAL-LIFE drug addicts: "I also used to shoot acid in my spine." Uh, that's not how you take acid, dude. Also, reaching around behind you to your spine seems awfully inconvenient. Also, here's a fact tip for you: the spine is full of bones. Needles and bones don't mix. Now, all together, folks: THAT'S WHY THEY CALL IT "DOPE!"

The next track is not that obscure, merely ridiculous. From his 1977 Love at the Greek double live album, "Song Sung Blue" features Neil dragging some guest stars onstage: first Helen Reddy, of "I Am Woman" fame, whom he calls "bubie." and then at the 2:12 mark, none other than Henry Winkler, the Fonz from Happy Days. And Neil makes the Winkler sing. And Winkler goes along! I am Fonz, hear me roar! Why the Diamond-Reddy-Winkler supergroup then broke up, I'll never know. Okay, it's because Winkler is a terrible singer. It's too bad, because I thought of some great names: Red Diamond Wink, Hell on Winks, Wink on You Ready Diamond.

The last track is from 1968's Neil Diamond's Greatest Hits; his cover of the dumbass novelty tune "Hanky Panky." What it's doing on this album is debatable, cause it ain't no damn hit. The word "filler" springs to mind. Probably the record label made him do it. So Neil's smart- he's thinking: how can I do this stupid tune, yet disassociate myself from it!? I know! I'll pretend to not want to do it on the recording itself! And yet do it anyway, even though I hate it! Genius. Pure genius. And meta. Pure meta.

The Pot Smoker's Song (3:57 / 6.4MB)
Song Sung Blue (4:07/ 6.7 MB)
Hanky Panky (2:47 / 4.5 MB)

MP3s provided for entertainment and sampling purposes only. After you've sampled them, you are obligated to delete them, so we don't get in trouble with the MAN. These MP3s will be deleted the split-second we get the cease-and-desist email.

Next Week: Some totally obscure crap no record company can even remember owning the rights to.

Posted by Theo at 06:03 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Happy Martin Luther King, Jr. Day! For this MP3 Monday feature, I scoured the dusty archives for a track that would do justice to the legacy of this historic leader, perhaps some stirring words from the great man himself. And... that didn't work out so much. So I thought, I'll look for some other great black leader, like Malcolm X, W.E.B. Du Bois, Marcus Garvey, Eldridge Cleaver, Tupac Shakur, surely, I have something?! Well, all I could find was Louis Farrakhan. Singing. And playing the violin. On "Heed the Call Y'all (White Man's Heaven Is a Black Man's Hell)" from the catchily-titled 1980 double album Minister Farrakhan Speaks at "Jack-The-Rapper Family Affair" Conference. This nigh-16 minute soul epic is Farrakhan's "Paradise by the Dashboard Light" - tracing the rise of the brutish white man and his mistreatment of the black man until the black man cries out and prays for the end of time, so he can end his time with the white man. Er, maybe it's more like "We Didn't Start the Fire," with a list of all the bad historical things white people have done. Only, it doesn't rhyme quite as snappily as "We Didn't Start the Fire." Maybe it's more like... uh... how to describe this song? I think it can best be described in the words of another famous Martin: "Damn, Gina!"

Download (15:51 / 14.8 MB)

The fine print: All downloads are provided for entertainment purposes only. VGG.COM not responsible for any discomfort, guilt, white flight, or outrage, moral or otherwise; from listening to mp3s.

Next Week: That really good Alabama song those stupidface classic rock stations never play.

Posted by Theo at 08:41 PM | Permalink | Comments (2)

Happy New Year 2007! And welcome to a new weekly feature here at vgg.com: MP3 Monday! Every Monday, there will be a new MP3 file from our large, large collection of deservedly obscure vinyl, lovingly hand-ripped to the convenient MP3 format by our hardworking staff of Chinese prisoners! Our grandkids have told us that the MP3 is "the shizzle" all the schoolies are giddy for and that's good enough for us!

This week's starts us off with a bang- literally! The title track of the 1966 album The Crazy Horse Saloon of Paris by Albert Van Dam & Orchestra kicks off with a champagne cork a-popping! What better way to ring in the new year? The back cover helpfully informs us The Crazy Horse Saloon is "the most sophisticated strip-tease club in the world." However, the cover leads one more to believe it's the most batshit loony strip-tease club in the world. So does the galloping pace and the circus-freak-meets-speed-freak instrumentation of the title track. Try to listen to it and imagine women stripping to it. It's extremely difficult.

Download (1:42 / 1.6 MB)

The fine print: All downloads are provided for entertainment purposes only. VGG.COM not responsible for any auditory nerve damage; ear-gouging; cranial implosion, explosion, or plosion from listening to mp3s.

Next week: Hootie and the Blowfish's biggest hit! Whatever that might have been, exactly.

Posted by Theo at 05:23 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)