The Van Gogh-Goghs Comedy Collective

This week's found weirdness is from the inside of a JuicyJuice pack label. Like a lot of prodcuts aimed at kids, they thought they'd throw some semi-entertaining crap on the packaging, like this illustrated joke: "Why do bananas never get lonely? Because they always hang out in bunches!" Hilarious if your age is in the low single digits, I'm sure.

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The more closely one examines this illustration, the more disturbing and confusing it becomes. All this lame play on words needs is a drawing of some vaguley anthropomorphic bananas hanging out, having a good time. Bananas + happy face and bam, you're done! But this artist has drawn a scene of odd psychological depth, a psycho-drama playing out before your children's eyes. First, the artist has gendered the bananas, male and female he created them. The male banana has turned his back to the female banana, crossing his arms, a stern look up upon his features. This is not a friendly banana! This banana is not just hanging out in a bunch. What's his problem?! For all his aloofishness, his eyes look backward at the female banana.

And what the hell is the female banana doing?! Look at her... her come-hither look, her lanquidly long lashed eyes, her dainty nose, her open smiling mouth, her raised eyebrows asking unspoken questions, and most bizarre, her hand hooked on her open peel (which the artist has cleverly equated with clothing) at the cleveage area, offering... what? A peek? More? A night of sybaritic pleasure for a price? Now look back to the male banana- his body is turned, clearly saying no, but look at his lip- there is doubt, temptation lingering there. His arms are crossed, also saying no, but examine more carefully- his right hand is firmly grasping his left upper arm- resolute! He will not be swayed, but his LEFT hand, ah see how already it has slipped from grasping the upper right arm- see the open palm, pressed against his chest, sweaty no doubt with the unspoken promises that lie beneath the female banana's peel. That hand wants to slide down and free the blocked-in right hand, so he can get his wallet out. He is cracking, my friend, and his stern moral facade is just that, a facade. He wants her, even though he knows he mustn't; he shouldn't, but he is cracking, and he will have her, because he cannot long resist!

Why do bananas never get lonely? Because. They. Are. Whores. Filthy, sexy, succulent whores, and you want one so bad you can taste it.

Posted by Theo at 10:38 AM | Permalink | Comments (1)

Mister Rogers cut many albums for kids, but no track as oddly nonsensical as this one, "Troll Talk," from his "You Are Special" album. No not that kind of "special," you sniggering jackanape. The good, life-affirming kind of special. People like to make fun Mister Rogers. But frankly, those people can go to hell. Mister Rogers was a saint and those people aren't worthy to lick either the dress shoes he changed out of, nor the sneakers he changed into at the start of every episode of MisteRogers' Neighborhood.

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